“So you are capable of making a decision about your life, but I’m not?”

“Amara,” he says, stroking her hair. “I don’t think I can live with the strain, knowing you might lose everything because of me.”

“I’m not going to lose everything, and neither are you, because we won’t get caught,” she replies, more like her usual, forceful self. “If you no longer love me, then say so. But if you’ve only just realized the danger, and you want to abandon me to handle Rufus on my own, that’s something else.”

“But I can’t protect you from him; I will never be able to protect you. All I’m doing is putting you at risk.”

“You think that’s all you do?” She leans back, exhausted, her face blotched and swollen from tears. “I was never able to protect Dido from a single customer, even though I knew how much she suffered. All I could do was love her, just as she did me. And she was always there. Her love is the reason I survived that place.” Amara takes his hand. “Do I need to beg you to stay?”

“No.” He gathers her close to stop her saying more. “Please don’t. You never have to do that.” He does not loosen his grip, and the longer he holds her, the more Amara starts to relax, knowing he is not going to leave. “But you have to promise me something. I know you say we won’t be caught, but if we were, I need to know you would tell Rufus I raped you, that I blackmailed you into having an affair.”

Amara struggles out of his grasp. “I can’t!”

“You can, and I need you to promise that you would. There is no way I would survive if we are discovered—it’s impossible. But you might just have a chance, more than a chance, if I confessed to forcing you.”

“No.” She covers her face, not wanting to think about it.

“Please.” Philos moves her hands away, so he can look at her. “You’re right. We won’t get caught; we’ll be even more careful than before. But I can’t live with the guilt unless you promise me this.”

Promises are easy to make, Amara thinks. She has already discarded so many. Even lying here with Philos is a broken promise to Rufus. Yet, she also knows how strong her will is to survive, how she dropped Menander, without hesitation, to gain her freedom. Philos is giving her permission to live, even at the cost of abandoning him in the worst possible way. She nods, unable to say the words aloud.

✦ ✦ ✦