Richard Quiet! (Calls.) Breadth – 153.

Perkins Breadth again, Sir?

Tommy 153.

Richard Pay attention, Perkins. (Raps Tommy’s head sharply with his knuckles.) Stop looking round, boy.

Tommy Sorry, boss.

Christopher (to Con) My cousin, Dr Gore.

Con I know.

Christopher Richard is an anthropologist, if you don’t mind – or an ethnologist – or whatever. You know, Margaret.

Margaret What do you want up here?

Con You’re looking well, Maggie.

Richard Head up. (Calls.) Height – 130; circumference – 587. You are a big-headed boy, you are.

Tommy That’s Tommy, boss! You need a big head for these brains.

Con Ask your cousin to stop that, Mr Gore.

Christopher Sorry?

Con Tell him to stop that. There’s been enough of this.

Christopher Enough of what? I’m not sure what –

Con It must stop now. Tell him.

Christopher (laughs) Now, now, Con –

Con We have no quarrel with you, Mr Gore. But I’m not going to say this again. Tell your cousin to pack his things and leave. Himself and his assistant.

Christopher I’m afraid I’ll do no –

Con Immediately. Get to your feet, Tommy.

Tommy gets to his feet.

Richard Who is this –?

Con Good boy. Off you go home.

Tommy I want my picture taken!

Con Do as you’re told, Tommy.

Tommy The mammy expects me to come back with –

Con At once.

Richard Who is this, Chris?

Con You, too, Maisie. Off you go. (Claps his hands.) Smartly!

Maisie and Tommy run off.

Christopher Hold on, Sir. This is a little insolent. Nobody’s going anywhere. (Calls.) Maisie – Tommy –

Con You, too, Mary. Home. Off with you.

Mary You promised me a few coppers, Mr Gore. You did.

Con And you’ll get them. I’ll call on you later this evening. Away you go now.

Mary leaves.

Christopher I don’t know what you think you’re doing. But this is a perfectly innocuous survey. And this is my home. And you are trespassing.

Con I’m not trespassing, Mr Gore. (to Richard) You two – pick up your belongings and get out of here.

Margaret How dare you speak like that to our guests, you little –

Christopher I’ll deal with this, Margaret.

Richard Allow me. (to Con) I have no idea who you are or what your purpose is. But I know an insolent pup when I see one. And if you don’t leave immediately I’ll have you flung in prison.

Christopher Perhaps we are all getting a little –

Richard Throw him out, Perkins.

Perkins Sir.

Margaret Where’s David? I’ll get David! Oh my God! Wait until David comes!

She rushes off.

Perkins moves towards Con. Johnny MacLoone steps in front of him.

Perkins (to Johnny) Now, Sir, why don’t you just step –

Johnny No further, mister. You’ve gone far enough.

Johnny produces a cudgel from under his jacket.

Con No, no, put that away, Johnny. Nobody wants this to end in a brawl. These men are going to leave now. (Calls.) Sally!