What the hell was I doing here?

“So,” I said, hearing my voice tremble. “That’s it?”

“Yeah. That’s it,” he said flatly. “The first was under Piscary’s orders to make an example of someone luring underage kids. It was excessive, but I was young and stupid, trying to prove to Piscary that I’d do anything for him, and he took enjoyment from seeing me agonize about it later. The last time was to stop a new camarilla from forming. They were advocating a return to pre-Turn traditions of abducting people no one would miss. The woman.” His eyes flicked to me. “That’s the one that haunts me. That’s when I decided to be honest when I could. I swore I’d never end another innocent’s life again. It doesn’t matter that she lied to me …” His eyes closed and his grip on the wheel trembled. The light from across the median showed the lines of pain on his face.

Oh God. He had killed someone in a passionate rage.

“And then I ended sixteen lives tonight,” he whispered.

I was so stupid. He admitted to killing people—people the I.S. probably would thank him for getting rid of, but people nevertheless. I had come into this knowing he wasn’t the “safe boyfriend,” but I’d had the safe boyfriend and always ended up hurt. And despite the brutality he was capable of, he was being honest. People had died tonight in a horrible tragedy, but that hadn’t been his intent.

“Kisten?” My eyes dropped to his hands, his short round nails carefully kept clean and close to his fingertips.

“I had the bomb set,” he said, guilt making his voice harsh.

I hesitantly reached to take his hands from the wheel. My fingers felt cold against his. “You didn’t kill them. Lee did.”

His eyes were black in the uncertain light when he turned to me. I sent my hand behind his neck to pull him closer, and he resisted. He was a vampire, and that wasn’t an easy thing to be—it wasn’t an excuse, it was a fact. That he was being forthright meant more to me than his ugly past. And he had sat there while he thought I was turning him in and done nothing. He had ignored what he believed and trusted me. I would try to trust him.

I couldn’t help but feel for him. Watching Ivy, I had come to the conclusion that being a master vampire’s scion was very much like being in a mentally abusive relationship where love had been perverted by sadism. Kisten was trying to distance himself from his master’s masochistic demands. He had distanced himself, he had distanced himself so far that Piscary had dumped him for a soul even more desperate for acceptance: my roommate. Swell.

Kisten was alone. He was hurting. He was being honest with me—I couldn’t walk away. We had both done questionable things, and I couldn’t label him as evil when I was the one with the demon mark. Circumstances had made our choices for us. I did the best I could. So did he.