My head was down and I didn’t hear him leave, but I looked up when Jax’s wings clattered and found them gone. Ivy was watching me, and when I shrugged she shut the door to seal out the cold air. The sound of the metal on metal struck through me, and I gathered myself into some semblance of order. Ivy hesitated, looking torn between wanting to comfort me and afraid I’d take it the wrong way. And there was the blood thing too. It had only been a day since she had sated it, but it had been a very stressful day. Today wasn’t looking any easier.

I looked at the matted throw rug, wondering what kind of person I was, afraid to hug my friends, and sleeping with people who used me. “I’ll be okay,” I said to the floor.

“Rachel, I’m sorry.”

My throat hurt. I put my elbows on my knees, set my head into my cupped hand and closed my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe it was my fault for trusting him. I never dreamed he would do something like this.” I sniffed loudly. “What’s wrong with me, Ivy?”

I was disgusted with myself, the emotion edging into self-pity, and I met her gaze in surprise when Ivy whispered, “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Yeah?” I shot back, and she went to the van’s tiny sink and plugged in the electric kettle. “Let’s take a look at my track record. I live in a church with a vampire who is the scion of a master vampire who would just as soon see me dead.”

Saying nothing, Ivy got out an envelope of cocoa so old it was stiff with moisture.

“I date her old boyfriend,” I continued bitterly, “who used to be said master vampire’s scion, and my ex-boyfriend is a professional thief who calls demons and trades information about me for tips to steal artifacts that can start an Inderland power struggle. There’s something wrong when you trust people who can hurt you so badly.”

“It’s not that bad.” Ivy turned with the chipped mug in her hand, head down as she broke chunks of cocoa against the side of the mug with an old spoon.

“Not that bad?” I said with a bark of laughter. “It’s been hidden for five thousand years. Piscary is going to be majorly pissed, along with every master vampire in every city on the entire freaking planet! If we don’t do this right, they’re all going to be rapping on my door.”

“I wasn’t talking about that. I meant about you trusting people who can hurt you.”

I flushed, suddenly wary of her, standing over there at the end of the van in the dark. “Oh.”

The water from the kettle started to steam, blurring her features as it rose. “You need the thrill, Rachel.”