Her heart fluttered at the sound of it, caught between breaking and swelling. She knew he was right, for more reasons than they would ever have time to fully unpack. Even their very obsession with each other was a sign that they were not meant for real life. But it also meant that they could sleep together now, because it was coming with an explicit promise to finally let each other go once it was over. His words fell somewhere between a threat and a prayer, quiet and full of painful necessity.

“I know,” she acquiesced.

He paused at her reply, betraying nothing in his expression.

Finally, he spoke: “You know, you’ve made my job very, very hard.”

“Is that what I made hard?” she purred, avoiding his intent and pressing her hips deeper into his own. His breath caught in his throat.

He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and bringing his voice to a whisper. “And I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do here,” he continued through gritted teeth, as if he were willing himself to follow his own rules. “But I can’t be with you.”

“I know,” she said, more confidently this time, taking his hands in hers to bring them back to her body. She wanted to drown herself in the temporary approval of his touch, silence all other noise with the sound of his want for her. “That’s okay.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be,” he continued, lifting her shirt as she brought her arms above her head to help him. “It’s just, we can’t stop—”

“You don’t have to say it,” she insisted, jumping to sit on the counter and wrapping her legs around his waist. She knew what he meant: they could never be at peace together, always waiting for the next fight or betrayal.

Freed of her shirt, she migrated her hands to his belt buckle. “And I’m sorry for—”

“Shh,” he stopped her, “you don’t have to apologize. This doesn’t have anything to do with anything that happened outside of this room. But if we don’t do this,” he breathed, his words coming faster now, kissing a delicate line down the side of her neck and over her collarbone as she opened the front of his pants, “Just once, you know?”

His eyes flicked upward to meet hers, and she felt she might pass out, so heavy with desire for him, so desperate for him to continue. He moved his mouth over her breast, striking a jolt of electricity through the center of her.

“Just once,” she nodded, lifting her seat to help him guide her shorts down. “Or I’ll fucking throw myself off this island,” she laughed, ecstatic with impending release to the point of feeling insane.