Now would someone please explain that to me.

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What follows is the most important thing I ever learned in high school. I’d like to thank my high school Driver’s Ed teacher, Mr. Rex Lambo, who told me what I’m about to tell you while we both guarded the punch bowl at my senior prom.

Imagine you find someone attractive. Are you picturing a person? Good. Now imagine you have the good fortune to give this person a hug. Are you hugging him or her? Nice, huh? Now, if, during the hug, this person pats you on your back or your shoulder, you can be sure of one thing: This person will never sleep with you.

I should add that if the person doesn’t pat you, it does not guarantee he or she will sleep with you. It merely means he or she might.

Also, if you’re a man and you’re confused by the above, I’ve simplified it for you—if she pats, you’ll be left holding your own bat.

There you have it. The truest thing you’ll ever hear.