“He’s been having affairs for years. He’s notorious for it. I mean, who hasn’t that man fucked? But karma, it seems, really is a bitch. Because apparently, she’s taken a lover.” Claudia turned left onto Pineapple Street. “I say, ‘You go, girl.’ But Philip’s all bent out of shape over it. Leave it to a man. The hypocrisy. My hunch? It’s about to get very ugly.” Now the rain was falling hard and fast. Claudia turned on her hazard lights and pulled over to wait out the sudden storm.

I wanted to change the subject to something more positive. “Actually, I feel the opposite with Tim. He surprised me. To let us go without him to the place he wants to go to most. That’s really generous of him. Frankly, it gives me hope.”

“I was saying something like this the other day.”

“What?”

“Husbands. How we never really know them.”

TIM

TIM

IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEEKEND, AND I WAS ABOUT TO BETRAY THE PERSON I most loved. While Kate and the boys were dreaming of Disney World, I couldn’t sleep. How could I? I fretted and paced around our living room/dining room/toy room, finally ending up in our bathroom, where I sat on the toilet with the lid down, staring at myself in the mirror, not recognizing who was there.

I turned off the bathroom light and sat in the dark. I don’t know how long I sat there. I needed the counsel of a friend. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t turn to my best friend (Kate), so I turned to history for perspective. Who from history might understand how I was feeling? One person immediately came to mind. Neil Armstrong. Yes, I know it seems a bit of a stretch. What did Neil Armstrong, the commander of Apollo 11, the first man ever to walk on the moon, and I have in common? Normally, I would argue, not much. But this was not a normal night.

If I’d had Neil Armstrong’s home phone number, I would’ve made the call myself.

Mr. Armstrong—may I call you Neil? What were your thoughts in those last hours before blastoff? Were you too excited to sleep? What if you didn’t make it back to Earth? Did you worry about your life after the moonwalk? Were you concerned that the rest of your life would be a letdown? And as you descended the steps of the lunar module, did it occur to you that you could simply refuse to walk on the moon?

Neil Armstrong: “Why would I refuse?”

Because you don’t walk on the moon and not have it affect the rest of your life in every conceivable way. Is every step afterward a lesser step?