When the engine turned over she was finally able to take a breath. As they stopped the car at the traffic lights she could see him watching her; she didn’t want to face him right now but she could feel him imploring her to. The road was empty, the light was green, but he didn’t move. She turned towards him. He could have pushed her off the cliff, no one would have seen it. Instead he looked her in the eyes, tears hovering at the edges of his, the truest face he had shown her yet. He seemed so sad, so completely bereft. She didn’t believe that you could fake that.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Now

I never make it to the woods, instead I seek out a pub and console myself in there. My mother worked here over Christmas once, I remember; they asked her to fill in for a sick member of staff as she was a regular. She would tell stories of how much fun it was, but I think she thought it was beneath her. I think she thought lots of things were. Being in here makes me feel closer to her, or at least a version of her.

The television on the wall is playing the news. There’s lots of speculation on why Hannah and the soldier were buried in the woods together – were they having an affair that went wrong? Hannah’s father was being interrogated, as the woods are near his house. But the woods are near lots of houses – this town isn’t that big – so technically the woods are near every house here. It wouldn’t take many people longer than ten minutes to get there by car. One of the stories circulating is that he found out this man was sleeping with his daughter and killed them both in a fit of rage. That sounds quite far-fetched to me, but the media are running with it. I find a newspaper on the counter with a picture of Hannah on the front. Mandy Green has already been relegated to page seven. As she moves further back in the newspaper more and more people will forget about her, save her mother, who will never be able to move on.

My phone is ringing. I look at the display and see it’s Chris. I haven’t called him in days, resigned to the fact that he has finally come to his senses and decided to get rid of me. This place has a way of making me forget time. Is it wrong that I hadn’t thought about the children for several hours, maybe even longer?

‘Chris?’

‘Hi,’ he says softly.

‘I didn’t think you were speaking to me?’

‘I wasn’t. I’m sorry.’

‘How are you, how are the kids?’

‘We’re good. Do you still want us to come down? We can if you want us to.’