But beyond the hurt, his body shook with rage and indignation. How dare she accuse him of such after the hideous position she’d put him in. He had been tasked with uncovering her, for Christ’s sake!

“Betray you? To the contrary, I’ve lied to a man to whom I have a duty to protect you. It is not me who is the traitor here, Joan, but you. Turning you in is exactly what I should do, damn it.” He let his voice drop off, his fists clenched. “But it was my misfortune to have fallen in love with a damned spy, who has now embroiled me in her treachery and made liars of us both.”

She had the good grace to wince and looked up at him apologetically. How could she still look so damned sweet and tempting after what she’d done? How could he still want to drag her into his arms and kiss her when she’d deceived him so horribly?

“I’m sorry, Alex. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

His jaw was like a block. “Aye, well it did. And lying and dishonesty might come easy to you, but they don’t to me. All I’ve ever tried to do was what was right, but tell me how the hell it can be right to keep your secret while doing my duty as a knight to the king?”

“What if doing your duty to Edward is not right anymore?”

He stiffened.

She went on. “What if what is right is returning to Bruce and the Guard?” She paused and added gently, “I know you thought you were doing what you had to do when you left. You were worn down and disillusioned by what seemed an endless war that wasn’t going anywhere and couldn’t see another choice. But you have a choice now. You came here to help persuade the English to end the war by peaceable means. You gave it a valiant try, but it didn’t work. The English are going to march on Scotland, and nothing you do will stop them. So now you need to decide whether you march with them or return to the place where you belong—where you can do some good. It’s not too late, Alex. You gave up on them, but I don’t think they ever gave up on you. They trusted you—even Raider, although maybe he didn’t always show it.”

He didn’t say anything; his chest was burning too hot. Give up on them? He wanted to deny it, but after what MacRuairi said, he didn’t know what the hell to think anymore.

“You were one of us.”