Taking his lead from earlier, Joan spoke as matter-of-factly and dispassionately as she could about what had happened. But it wasn’t easy; she’d never spoken of it before to anyone. It was her secret. Her shame. And she wanted to keep it that way. But Alex had a right to know.

“You were right. I was leaving something out. It happened a long time ago, and I’ve forgotten about it.” She stopped. She would not lie to him. Not about this, at least. “Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’ve tried not to dwell on it. But there was more to my history with Phillip than I alluded to.”

She dropped her gaze, but telling herself not to be embarrassed, she forced it to meet his again and drew a deep breath. “When I was fifteen, I fancied myself in love with him. I was young and naive and prone to daydreams of handsome golden-haired young knights.” She paused to give him a wry look. “I’d seen one at Roxburgh not that long before who’d made quite an impression on me, and I convinced myself that Phillip—a new squire to my guardian—was the embodiment of every young girl’s fantasy I’d ever had. He played the part well. He was charming, gallant, and doted on me as if I were a princess. I think he was genuinely wooing me for marriage.” She shuddered at the idea. “For a time, that is.”

She thought back to those seemingly happy days and frowned. “There were small signs he was not the man I thought.” She recalled the time she’d walked in on him alone in the stables with a serving girl, whom he’d claimed to not know, and the time he’d come back from the village drunk with a mark on his neck that now she recognized as a love bite. “But I chose not to see them. Just as I chose not to see the subtle changes in his behavior toward me after I was declared a bastard and disinherited.”

She could see the tension growing in Alex, and realized he’d probably guessed the direction this story was heading. But he seemed determined to let her finish. It was one of the things she loved about him; he respected her not just with his words but with his actions. She hoped what she was about to tell him wouldn’t change his opinion of her.

“Go on,” he said encouragingly, but with a definite edge in his voice.