Joel felt his wife’s hands run over his shoulders, down his chest and over his tie. She kissed the top of his head and he could feel her lips move as she spoke. ‘I’m worried about you. Straight back into long days and already bringing your work home. You need to look after yourself. You were supposed to go back to something a little more laid-back. At least for a while.’

‘The one thing you don’t do is ask for “laid-back”. Welfare would have me doing an admin role tied to a desk. I can promise you that would stress me out more.’

‘You would be shadowing, that’s what you said. Following someone else around while they did all the work and you learned the ropes. That sounded ideal.’

‘I know. It didn’t quite work out.’

‘And now you’re chasing murderers? Is that the right thing for you to be doing?’

‘I think it is. I care about it, it feels important. And one of the victims … She was one of us. A copper. I want to be part of piecing this together, Michelle.’

His wife stepped away and walked to the other side of the kitchen table where she could watch him closely. ‘And are you?’

‘I think so, but I feel like I’m missing something and I’ve never wanted to get answers more. I guess I’m going to have to get used to that. Seems to go with the territory.’

‘I’m sure it does.’

‘Today I met a mother who’s waiting for the right time to tell her young son that his dad is never coming home. I can’t imagine the day they’re having. I offered to help her out, even say the words for her. I was relieved when she said no.’

‘You need to be looking after yourself, too, Joel. I know you, you suck up a little bit of what you see, you care too much. And it’s not your job to make everything better for the rest of the world. No matter how much you would like to.’

‘You’d just brush it off, would you? Like it doesn’t matter?’ Joel snapped and immediately wished he hadn’t. ‘Sorry, I know what you mean. I’m fine, I promise.’

‘I’m still not sure you need this sort of pressure straightaway.’