There were no more pages. No more were needed. The instructions were clear. He pushed himself back to his knees. He would need a moment before he tried to get to his feet. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, each beat like a blow that left him weaker. His vision was starting to blur. He needed to focus on his breathing. He concentrated on deep breaths until his sight was clear. He fixed on Glenn. Only now did he notice the medal pinned to his chest. It looked odd against the backdrop of an old T-shirt.

‘Oh, Glenn!’ Richard muttered, the sadness close to overwhelming him. The medal was the General Service Medal he had earned from his tours in Northern Ireland, just like Richard. The fact it was pinned to his chest told a story: this hadn’t been someone sneaking up on his old friend and taking him out before he knew what was happening. Glenn had always said that if he knew it was coming, he wanted to go wearing that medal: You get old and no one gives a shit. I want people to know what I did, when I could. We can’t all die a hero but I was something once. We both were! Some more than others though, obviously …! Then he’d slapped Richard so hard on the arm it had stung. He never did know his strength. His laughter at Richard’s face was typical, head back, belly shaking, and Richard hadn’t been able to resist laughing with him.

‘Look at you,’ Richard said out into the room now, fighting himself to continue. ‘You managed to die the hero, old friend.’ The blurring of his vision was through tears this time. ‘Not me though, mate. I don’t know what happened to me. I messed this all up … all of it.’

It was time to go. He was half way down the hall when he noticed the blue-tinged piece of paper that was taped to the inside of the front door. It was a school report from Battle Abbey Prep School. The report was for Thomas Maddox. The paper was headed with the school’s address and it looked like the summary page. The last few lines were highlighted:

Overall, Thomas is a bright young man with a very bright future if he applies himself in the way we know he can. We are delighted with his progress and look forward to watching him develop into a fine young man.

Richard lashed out to rip it down. He screwed the page up, shoved it in his back pocket and hurried for his car.

Chapter 39

The constant drone of traffic punctured the car’s cabin the moment the engine was silenced. It was like a constant dull whisper against the windows and even in a few moments of stillness Joel knew he would find it oppressive.