I did not belong in the Palais-Royal, nor did I wish to resume the role I had once filled in Orléans’s life. I could not imagine how I should continue there, ever wearing two faces, one which I showed to La Buffon, whom I adored as I might have my own sister, and the other to Mrs Elliot, to whom I owed my life. The terrors of Paris had been made real to me and had succeeded in dousing the city in blood, so that one could admire nothing of it without recalling the sight of death or the scent of cannon fire, the cries of barbarism and the wails of injury. And Allenham, my dear Allenham, now lost to me. I would ever remember this place for its tragedies and great disappointments, and that in itself caused me to wish I might turn my back upon it, as he had upon me. Indeed, it occurred to me that I remained there on account of one person alone: Grace Elliot.

I did not appreciate this until I received her reply, the reply I had dreaded. I read it carefully and with much consideration.

Ma chère fille, you are so guarded in your letter to me that I cannot but conclude you have fallen prey to one of Mme de B—’s schemes, or are else unable to write freely of your thoughts. This latter problem may be remedied by making resort to the same precautions as have I, with regard to your ink. I shall have Thérèse send you a receipt for some immediately. I would strongly advise this, as the authorities at the post offices are now in the habit of opening letters, in particular those packets bearing the names of suspected royalists, which they know me to be. Although I have quit Paris for Meudon, my Jacobin neighbours are no less concerned with the nature of my politics than they were within the walls of the city. You might guess at the inconvenience and distress this causes me.

I would not like to conjecture that the brevity of your last letter is on account of the former reason. I would hope you have learned enough of the world to see through the artful deceits of those who can only pretend at friendship. Indeed, my heart would break to believe you have been so duped. But, my dear child, my intuition is that my anxieties in this respect are not founded ones and that I will hear from you directly upon all the usual matters, and you might then put your chère maman’s troubled mind to rest.