‘I felt exactly the same after I lost Lena. I couldn’t leave the kids, though. And when a little time had passed I realised that I wanted to stay around after all. Dying is so . . . definitive.’

‘Horribly definitive,’ Fredrika agreed.

She had cried so much that her head was aching and her eyes were swollen. That’s how it is when someone you’ve loved for more than half your life dies. Grief poured out of her body, disguised as tears. How she could possibly go on without him was beyond her comprehension. And yet, in an astonishing way, it simply happened. Extraordinary. However much she wept, however much pain she felt, however impossible it was to imagine a future without Spencer. Time passed, days which the previous evening had been the future became the present. Fredrika found this fascinating. To think that a person could die of a heart attack, but not of a broken heart.

‘Are you really going to move to London?’ Alex asked.

‘I think it’ll be good for both me and the children to experience something different. A friend of mine has moved there with her family, and my brother’s working there during the autumn. The children can attend the Swedish school, and . . . I’m sure it will all work out.’

‘And what will you do with yourself?’

‘I haven’t given it much thought. Play, I suppose.’

Fredrika and her violin.

‘I’d like to hear you some time,’ Alex said.

‘I’m sure that can be arranged.’

He stroked her arm.

‘How much leave do you have?’

‘Berlin gave me six months, but she said I could have more if I need it. Anything at all as long as I don’t resign – that’s what it sounded like.’

Alex couldn’t help smiling.

‘So Berlin’s not all bad,’ he said.

‘Just mostly.’

They sat in silence for a while. That was one of Alex’s many positive qualities, in Fredrika’s opinion. He understood the art of silence.

‘Anyway, how are you?’ she said, tired of thinking about something that couldn’t be changed. ‘How was Österlen?’

‘Really good – sick,’ he said.

Fredrika burst out laughing, even though she sometimes felt as if she would never laugh again, as if it was the wrong thing to do.

‘Sick? I’ve never heard you say that before.’

‘My kids say it all the time.’

Alex placed a hand on her arm.

‘It’ll be all right,’ he said quietly. ‘Eventually. You won’t be lonely forever.’

Fredrika stiffened.

‘Do you seriously think that’s something I’m worrying about right now?’

Alex shrugged. ‘I did.’

‘In that case we’re very different.’