Neither Berlin nor Ross could tell Alex what to do; they both needed to understand that.

Chapter 3

How could such a short document change so much? That was what Fredrika asked herself when she read the letter Alex had found in Noah’s office. A three-page declaration of love that also contained a devastating confession. Someone had run over a woman then left the scene of the accident without calling for help. Without getting out of the car to see what could be done for her.

Fredrika felt her deodorant dissolve, felt the sweat begin to pour from her armpits.

Because in the letter were sentences that made her want to set fire to it, make it disappear. Sentences and phrases that glowed as if they had been written in red-hot lava.

When you read this, I will be gone . . . It is incomprehensible – impossible to grasp – that I am sitting here writing, yet I am aware that my time is measured out.

Yes, she thought. It is incomprehensible.

She knew exactly who had written the letter. She had tried and tried to find a reason to be doubtful, but such a reason didn’t exist. She couldn’t even make it up. She read the letter seven times before she admitted defeat. There was no doubt. None whatsoever.

Spencer.

Spencer had written the letter.

Spencer was the man who knew he was going to die, and had therefore written a farewell letter to someone he called ‘my darling’. Unless he had more surprises up his sleeve, Fredrika assumed he was writing to her. But she wasn’t sure. Of anything. Not any more.

Do you remember just after our daughter was born, when I was still recovering from the car accident?

Oh yes, she remembered.

I was careless just once. Once. But that was enough to ruin another person’s life.

Her memory failed her at this point. Which occasion was he talking about?

I got in the car and drove to Uppsala to meet my boss in connection with a dinner that was to be held later that evening.

Uppsala. Always Uppsala. The place where Fredrika had loved being a student, but hadn’t wanted to stay. The major sticking point in her relationship with Spencer. He would have loved to carry on living there, with no need to commute. Fredrika had won that battle. But at what cost?

By this point I’m sure you are deeply shocked, castigating me for my cowardice, wondering what the hell I was thinking. I was thinking about myself – that’s the short answer. And you and our daughter, and later our son.

His fucking ego. Yes, Spencer. I am castigating you for your cowardice.

And that’s the way it stayed until a few months ago.

When you found out you were going to die, Fredrika added.