‘It came over me again – I told you. That feeling. The same as when I shot Jimmy’s murderer, but more . . . real. It lingered for longer this time, it went deeper. I . . . I’m ashamed to say that I couldn’t get my act together at first. I failed in everything. I know I’ve said this before, I know you know I got the sack. But things are different now. I’m in control, I’m good with the boys. And Jussi, my boss at Solid Security, he didn’t get it. He started hassling me, telling me I wasn’t normal, saying I was unreliable after what happened to you. He came straight out and said I was damaged, that taking me on had been an error of judgement. Fucking arsehole, there was nothing wrong with me back then. There’s nothing wrong with me now either. But we talked about how I felt last summer, when I wanted to change jobs. I couldn’t stop brooding over Jimmy’s death, what I’d done, in spite of the fact that you reminded me of how many years had passed. I tried, I really did. But it was no good, not even when I got a new job. I couldn’t free myself, Ylva. I was stuck fast. For a long time.’

Peder was breathing heavily.

‘One day when the boys are older I’ll explain it all to them. I can’t do it right now, I’m sure you understand that. I . . . Shit, Ylva, I was supposed to put everything right, but I didn’t get as far as I’d intended. Not even close. I’ll come up with a new plan, I promise. After all, this was meant to be a lifetime project, not something that took one week in the summer.’

Peder heard voices approaching. They were no longer alone.

‘I have to go now. I’ll come back with the boys in a few days. They miss you so much, they talk about you all the time. But . . . we’re fine, really we are. It’s important that you know that.’

He leaned forward and brushed away a leaf that had drifted down onto Ylva’s gravestone.

‘By the way, did I tell you about Ross? I did, didn’t I? What a fucking idiot – you won’t believe what he’s done! But he feels the same way I do – he’s convinced he did the right thing.’

He stepped back; time to go.

‘You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,’ he whispered.

Chapter 15

The apartment was bursting with life when Fredrika arrived home. The children whirled around like restless summer butterflies, giggling and shouting. The smell of garlic was coming from the kitchen. Fredrika put down her bag and grabbed Saga as she raced towards her.

‘Daddy came and fetched us!’ Saga informed her, clearly delighted.

‘That’s wonderful!’