Perhaps I don’t deserve any better than this. Perhaps the fact that I will be snatched away sooner than either of us would have wished is actually a kind of justice. That’s why I’m writing this letter, because I am so afraid that I deserve the death that awaits me.

I did something very stupid a number of years ago. Do you remember just after our daughter was born, when I was still recovering from the car accident? Of course you do, it was a terrible time. No doubt you also remember the tablets I was taking, how we both laughed and said they were strong enough to knock out a horse. God knows I needed them to function in my everyday life, to regain my strength and to cope with my body. But you were right – neither my brain nor my eyes were clear until the pain went away and I managed to free myself from the grip of the morphine.

I was careless just once. Once. But that was enough to ruin another person’s life. It was a Tuesday. This is what happened. I got in the car and drove to Uppsala to meet my boss in connection with a dinner that was to be held later that evening. In spite of the fact that I was signed off work due to my injuries, in spite of the fact that I had mobility problems. And in spite of the fact that my senses were befuddled because of the medication. I have never forgiven myself for driving. I should have taken the train. But I didn’t.

And I ran into someone.

Yes, you read those words correctly. It’s appalling, and impossible to undo. The sound when she hit the bonnet, when her head thudded against the windscreen. And then the utterly bizarre sight of her lying lifeless on the road behind the car. Less than three seconds had passed. I remember staring into the rear-view mirror, I couldn’t understand how she’ d ended up there.

However, I understood everything else with great clarity.