‘I could take them off?’

Rhonda squeals, and I glare at him. She doesn’t need encouraging; she’s ‘popping in’ far too much as it is.

‘Maybe not.’ He winks at me. ‘But you need to get yours on, come on, shoo, go and get dressed. I’m taking you to the gym!’

‘The only place for a spindly leg is on a table I always say!’ Interrupts Rhonda, sliding between us and shoving her hand out. ‘I’m Rhonda.’

‘Delighted.’

I can hear them, but from far away. All I can see are his legs. I’m fixated. I shake my head and finally find my voice. ‘Rhonda’s my neighbour.’

Yeah, I know, knees shouldn’t be such a big deal – everybody has them or they’d fall over – but when they’re like this, and they’re in my kitchen, they are quite something to behold. Rhonda is right, his legs are rather shapely, in a manly way. ‘She has a key, to er …’

‘Feed the cat!’ announces Rhonda with a big smile, still giving Noah the once-over as though he’s a juicy bone. I can understand now why her husband spends all the time in his shed.

‘You’ve got a cat?’ He’s looking confused.

‘No.’

‘The previous occupants had one, such nice people they were. Always had time for a chat.’ Smiles Rhonda. ‘They gave me a spare key so that I could help out when they were away and keep an eye on the place. I kept it when you moved in, didn’t I, dear?’

‘Well yes, but there really is no need.’

‘She’s not got a cat!’ says Noah.

‘But she’s got plants that might need watering, and I take parcels in if she’s away, and you never know she might get a cat one day! Always handy if a neighbour has a key, in case you lock yourself out. I do like to be neighbourly, not enough of it around these days.’

‘I don’t think I will lock myself out.’ I shake my head and cross my fingers at the same time – because it isn’t an impossibility. ‘And my mum does have a spare key.’

The key is a bit of an issue if I’m honest. I’d only been in the place one day when there was a brief knock on the door, followed by a ‘cooee it’s me’ and there she was. Rhonda. She has a whole cupboard full of neighbours’ keys. I mean, it is a good idea in some ways, but it’s her habit of knocking then letting herself in without waiting that’s the issue. Not even my mum does that.

‘Well there you go. Brilliant!’ says Noah. I give him the evil eye. ‘Perfect timing, you’ve just saved us a whole lot of bother.’ He smiles, full wattage aimed straight at her. I swear I see a start of a swoon; any second now she’ll be fanning herself.

‘I have?’ She’s preening, looking proud of herself even though she doesn’t know what it is she’s done.