I think I’m going to have to mop the floor as well as the walls once he has gone home.

I take a deep breath and pat his head. He grins up at me, then abruptly struggles to his feet, wags his tail and nearly takes my legs out from under me. Nobody said doggie daycare involved body armour.

Today could be trickier than I thought. Why on earth didn’t I stipulate a maximum size of dog? I think my flamboyant, doesn’t really matter attitude, might well backfire on me. Though I hadn’t planned on anything as big as a Great Dane.

At least it’s taking my mind off Noah.

‘I was thinking we could get to know each other over breakfast.’ Hugo flaps his tail, but this time I successfully dodge. ‘But if you need the toilet, I suppose we should go for a walk straight away? We can saunter round for,’ I glance at my watch, it’s not far off the time I said I’d meet Noah. I can survive that much time solo, surely? ‘a little bit before Noah arrives and do our, er, business?’ He cocks his head on one side and stares at me with the most gorgeous brown eyes. ‘I suspect a Great Dane size wee would flood the kitchen?’

I suddenly feel slightly queasy at the realisation that he might need a number two whilst in my care. Do I need binbag size poo bags?

Chapter 8

I would never, ever classify myself as a tree hugger. No way Jose. I appreciate a forest as much as the next person, but I have no wish to bond with one. Except right now, I am hugging a tree. I blame the fact that it’s a lovely day, and the park is crowded. Absolutely heaving, with picnic goers and small children who seem intent on scaring my dog.

He’s not even thought about emptying his bladder yet; he’s been far too busy trying to spot scary things. Then he spotted a sun parasol and mistook it for an umbrella and bolted. Who knew I could cover 100 metres quicker than you could shout ‘for fuck’s sake stop!’?

Anyway, he slowed down, and I was just congratulating myself on passing the first test and not letting go of the leash, when a flaming magpie squawked and gave him the evil eye.

I swear it was nought to sixty in less time than it takes to take a breath. And this time we were heading back in the opposite direction. At least we were en-route for the entrance, where I’d arranged to meet Noah – every cloud has a silver lining – it was just the thought of the gate (he might clear it, but those spikes on the top would be my downfall) and the crowded pavement on the other side that was making me lean back with all my force as though I was water skiing.

I lunged for one tree as we passed, soil spewing out from my heels, the branch coming off in my hand, so when he slowed down next to a particularly sturdy specimen ten yards away from the boundary, I thought all my prayers had been answered. I’m not religious, but I have been praying, believe me, repeatedly under my breath as I’ve been carted from one end of the grassy field to the other.