My phone vibrates. So, as it is in my hand, I open the message. It will be Mum depressing me even further by demonstrating how adventurous and open to fun, love and sexual adventure she is, despite the last thirty shitty years.

My heart did a blimp the other day when she Facebook messaged to say ‘Met Art’s friend Mike, he’s lovely, we had threesome after lunch. Fantastic experience, you should try it!’

I was fanning myself and trying to remember how to breathe normally when the dot-dot-dot told me she had more to say. ‘Sorry, hit enter by mistake when I was editing that, silly machine! Threesome kayaking! It was breathtaking. White-water sandwiched between two strong men, I was just the passenger! Are you eating proper meals? Shall I bring some fudge back?’

I think she is going to outlive me.

Anyway, it is not mother texting me. I slide down the wall and sink on to the floor.

All thoughts of Mum disappear from my head.

‘Thought you’d like to know I saw Hugo the other day! He’s got even bigger Hugo the huge! N x’

There is a photo attached.

Fuuuuck! I close my eyes, clutch the phone to my heart and try not to sob. Not because of Hugo. But … Noah!

I look at the message again.

Definitely Noah. Oh gawd, what do I say? How do I say it? My hands are shaking too much. I need a full-size keyboard, not a stupid miniscule mobile one that is difficult enough when I’m sober and of sound mind.

‘You’re not kidding! R x’

It’s the best I can do; it would take years to type in all the things I actually want to say.

‘Made me think of you. N x’

‘You’re comparing me to a huge, slobbering dog? R x’

‘Fun, clever, mad, gorgeous. N x’

Oh.

Gorgeous.

And the other stuff. But gorgeous. He wouldn’t say gorgeous if he hated me, never wanted to see me again, would he?

For a moment I am speechless.

‘Ophelia has asked me to design a house for him – apparently he can be a bit of a handful! Want to preview the blueprint, see if you think he’d approve?’

‘You’re building dog houses now?! R x’

‘Alongside her extension N x’

Ahh.

‘Love to. You do know he’s a bit crazy x’

And sex-starved I nearly add.

‘Like us?’

Totally like us.

‘Tomorrow lunchtime? Park? I’ll bring squashed sandwiches? It will be like the old days? N x’

‘Great. R x’

Lunch is good. No over-high expectations. No awkwardness. No risk of getting drunk and doing what I shouldn’t.

Oh my God, just how dressed up can I be for work tomorrow, without Bea getting suspicious?

Chapter 27

‘How’ve you been?’

‘How’s your mum?’

We both speak at the same time.

‘You first.’ He grins; I knew I’d missed that grin. I didn’t realise how much until now. The laughter lines around his eyes seems more defined than they were, maybe it’s because he’s a bit more tanned. But his eyes look wary, he looks like I feel.