It is tempting. Hugo would be a diversion, wouldn’t he? And I’m sure I could handle him the way Noah did …

Bugger. Bloody Noah is in my head again.

I will cat sit. Cats have nothing to do with Noah. There is no link at all.

‘Hi.’

‘Hi, oh hi, Jed!’ Arghhhh. I am going to have to move house, work, everything. Why does everything link back to flaming Noah? What is his best friend doing invading my workplace?

‘Nice to see you again, Rosie!’

Yeah, sure, act surprised now you’ve gate-crashed my refuge. You have never been here before, that means you have searched me out. ‘And you, Jed! How are you?’

‘Fine, fine.’ He shifts slightly nervously.

Despite myself I feel I have to speak the name that should not be spoken. ‘Great, and Noah?? Have you seen him lately?’

‘Last night actually.’

‘He’s okay?’ I want to ask how many dates he’s had, if he’s mentioned me, if he can even remember me; you know, needy stuff like that. But I manage to stop myself.

Jed shrugs. ‘Bit grumpy. Rosie,’ he hesitates, so maybe this isn’t an ambush; he doesn’t seem to have a speech planned. ‘He’s a nice guy, you know, underneath all that, that …’

‘Bravado? Charm?’

‘He just likes to chat, to talk to people, to help. What can I say, he’s a friendly guy? Look,’ I hate it when people say ‘look’ it suggests they are going to say something I don’t want to hear, ‘I don’t know what happened between you guys, but it’s hit him.’

I do a goldfish impression, before managing to squeak. ‘Him? It’s hit him.’

‘He’s a,’ he looks round as though to check Noah hasn’t crept up behind him, ‘he’s a sensitive guy. He was really close to my wife, Millie, known her years. She introduced us actually, and if it had been anybody else, I wouldn’t have trusted them.’ He concentrates on the book display. ‘It really knocked him sideways when she, when it happened.’

‘Hang on, he’d known her for years? I thought you’d grown up with her?’

‘Me? Oh no, no I wished I had, but I met her in Freshers week at uni, in a queue to join some society. She was with Noah. I thought that they were going out, but they were just good mates, like brother and sister. Jokey.’ He smiles to himself. ‘I was jealous of him at first, until I realised there really wasn’t anything else on either side.’

‘He was jealous of you,’ I say softly, trying to get this all straight in my head.

Jed laughs and glances back up at me. ‘Oh yeah, he was, after six pints he always used to moan about never finding a girl that he got on with like Mills, and wanted to sleep with as well. Said it was always one or the other. But he didn’t let it stop him from trying!’ He suddenly sobers, and his steady gaze makes me wary. ‘He really felt it when Mills died; he’d lost her, and he’d lost me for a while. I just couldn’t cope.’ He shrugs. ‘Grief can be a bugger. I didn’t deal with it well, I admit it, and I pushed him away. I never thought about his feelings and how close they’d been. I don’t know if I should tell you this,’ he pauses, ‘oh bugger, no, no it’s not my place. But look, he’s an okay guy, right?’ He shakes his head and looks so genuinely sad I want to hug him. ‘I reckon he feels like every time he puts his feelings on the line, he loses.’