This little speech did not really eliminate my unease. Could he really have known me so long and not known how I felt about preferential outreach? “Well, of course, Ted. I want to do what’s best for the school….”

“Then I can count on you?”

I took a deep breath. “Of course. Tell me when we go to New Haven.”

“Fantastic. I’ll have Miss Carr give you details on the trip as we have them. Thanks for stopping by.”

I emerged from his office and proceeded straight to the men’s room. I splashed water on my face mechanically and wiped it off equally mechanically. I gazed at my face in the mirror without expression. What is it about this flesh that covers me that makes it a part of every transaction I conduct? Just when I think it is no longer seen, there it is once more, dictating the terms. I touched my face slowly, then rubbed harder and harder until I could feel my teeth through my lips, my skin shifting over my bones. My eyes stung. I would do what was expected of me, as always. Do what was best for Chelsea, as always. I stood there for a long time, looking at my face. No one else came in. I might have been alone on the earth.