I stood up so abruptly that I felt the chair tilt briefly behind me. “Worthy of me? Worthy of me? Why is it so horrible to assume that he might look to you as someone he could trust around here? Why is it so horrible that I might turn to you for advice when I’m trying to help a student who’s obviously in great pain? Jesus, Jerome, I came to you because I respect you. If you think it’s some kind of weird lumping-you-all-together thing … well, that’s your problem, not mine. Forget I came in. I’ll just go speak to Ted Fox about this. Sorry to disturb you.”

“Jana, I didn’t mean …”

“What, what didn’t you mean?” I was having trouble breathing, my voice a fierce whisper. He had risen to his feet right after I had. We were very close together—he smelled warm, slightly of soap. The office suddenly seemed very small.

“Jana …” and suddenly, unexpectedly, he took my hand. “Speak to Fox if you feel it is the right thing to do. I … I’ll do what I can to help you.”

“I’m not the one who needs help.”

I took my hand back, awkwardly. A long silence passed between us. I spoke first. “I’d better go speak to Fox. I’ll see you later.”

My face hot, I left the office. I hadn’t even said anything to him about the intimacy of his gesture, the surprising gentleness with which he took my hand. I just felt confused, angry, embarrassed. I sneaked a look through his office window before I walked away. His face remained impassive, his head lowered to read the paper he had been grading. His hands rested on the desk, still and elegant.

Men Among Men

THERE ARE ONLY a few faculty residences on the campus of the Chelsea School. Most of the faculty live in town either in rustic old farmhouses dusted with children’s toys and vibrating with the noise of family life or in smooth, clean condominiums, some with a pool in a center courtyard. There is rarely much competition for on-campus housing among the new faculty. They seem to want to get away from the school in the evening and on the weekends. I have never felt this desire and so have lived in a small, neat, inexpensive house nestled well away from the dorms for many years. Early in the morning, I can sometimes hear the cows lowing distantly as they start their days, a sound I find oddly soothing.