There was something I didn’t tell Helen. About why I left teaching. There was this boy Jason. He was sixteen. So handsome and charming once he dropped his guard. And so smart. He tried to hide it at first, but it started to bleed out after just a few weeks of class. He was one of the few kids who actually did his homework, bringing in papers every week that were littered with misspellings but filled with genuine insight. He got in the habit of hanging around after school, at first on a series of pretexts—I forgot my hat; Did you say page fifty or page sixty?—but then it became clear that he just wanted to hang around. He liked being in school. And he liked me. Teachers aren’t supposed to confess this kind of thing, but I felt girlish around him. Nothing happened, nothing inappropriate, but I liked talking to him, watching him use his hands as he told stories—Cal was gone anyway I had no one at home waiting for me. There was no rush. You would think, with all those years of teaching, that I would have noticed that not everything was right. But I wanted it to be.

The last time I spoke to him, I gave him my copy of Song of Solomon. I thought he could handle the difficult imagery and that he’d like the Milkman Dead character. He smiled and said thanks, gazing at the cover. I had the distinct impression that no one had ever given him a book before. He turned it over and over in his hands. Then he said, “I hope I get to read this.”

I thought that was an odd thing to say. I said, “Well, that’s up to you, isn’t it? You can do anything that you want to do. Just find your way around the potholes. I’ll help you. You know that, don’t you?” He gave me a tight, small smile. I had the oddest feeling, as if he was going to embrace me, but instead he gathered up his things and left. I never saw him again.

The first day he was out, I didn’t give it much thought—there had been a flu going around. But the day after that and the day after that passed, and then I finally asked someone. “Didn’t you hear?” replied the other woman, shocked.

“Hear what?”

“Jason got arrested. They caught him in a holdup at one of those little stores on his block. The owner was shot, and Jason was an accessory. He won’t be tried as an adult, but he’s going to do some time. I can’t believe you didn’t hear about it.”