“I do. But you must see the position I’m in. For God’s sake, Jerome, you hit a student. After nearly flunking him for no good reason. For God’s sake.”

I said nothing. Fox sighed deeply. “I’ll be as fair as I can with you. But I think it best that you clear out your office today. You have until the end of the month to move.” His voice went ragged, and he said nothing else. I left the office without looking back. The Bryson boy and Jana and Jon were still standing there as I left. They did not speak. I said nothing to them.

Did I think Fox would defend my actions? They cannot be defended. I saw that even then. As we sat in that room, going over the test, it was as if scales fell away from my eyes. He had, in fact, passed the test by a reasonable margin. I didn’t even realize I had graded him so unfairly. I just wanted him to see that life would not always hand him what he wanted. That it wasn’t so easy to throw away people’s good efforts, my good efforts.

But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t still hope for a few wild moments that Fox would laugh and clap me on the back and refuse my offer. That he would say, “I don’t know what came over you, Jerry, but I know I can count on you not to behave like this again. You are a fair man. I know that, and I want you to stay.” He said nothing of the sort. I suppose he no longer believed anything of the sort. I suppose he had no reason to.

When Isaiah was killed, I flew home from Boston, my eyes dry, my throat burning. I took a cab to our old apartment and found my mother there before the sink, cleaning it diligently with Comet, just as she always did. “Mama?” I said, my voice shaky with sorrow.

She turned from the sink, her eyes blazing, and embraced me. “Jerome. My boy. My good boy come home.”

“Mama, what happened?”

She sat down heavily at the kitchen table, sighed, looked out the window. “I’ll be damned if I know. I tried to do right by you boys, but that Isaiah, he was hardheaded. You know.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t tell him nothing. Then he started getting in trouble all the time. Wouldn’t listen to me for nothing. You were the one, Jerome.” She looked at me slowly, her eyes lost and foggy. “You were the one I could save.”