They stood breathless once they pulled open the heavy wooden door, a little shocked at what they were proposing to do. In addition to the six cows that lived there, the barn housed an elaborate obstacle course constructed of ropes, tires, and ladders called the ropes course, part of the school’s outdoor leadership class. Before graduation, it was expected that every boy who came through Chelsea would not only be able to acquit himself ably in the academic program at any university he might attend, but would also have taken this class and done the ropes at least once. The ropes course was intended to give the young men a strong sense of teamwork and mastery over their bodies. It was not intended to be used unsupervised by stoned teenagers. The boys gleefully shucked their heavy backpacks and fat, shiny down coats and ran, howling, toward the ropes. The cows shifted uneasily in their stalls—it was usually quiet during the day. They were used to hearing only themselves in the barn.

Gerald was the first one up. He shinned up the rope easily, his soccer-honed legs making quick work of the climb. Then Sean followed, laughing and yelling, “Oh, shit!” all the way. Both boys made their way across the tightrope strung over a loosely woven net a little more nervously. Sean slipped once, causing all three hearts to leap into mouths, but he righted himself with a confident laugh. When they reached the platform at the end of the tightrope, they called raucously for Rashid to climb the hell up.

He stood at the foot of the rope for a minute, watching it sway. Even once he’d reached out and grabbed it to still it, it continued to feel as though it was swaying under his hand. He started to climb anyway. Feathery sharp bits stung his hands as he climbed. The world whirled away beneath him, the hay-covered floor growing smaller and fainter. Now he was up to the tightrope and reaching out, one hand, the other, one knee, the other. He eased across the rope, suddenly scared. He looked across at his friends, who gazed at him expectantly, eagerly. He didn’t feel high at all anymore, just clear and calm for the first time in many days. He inched forward a bit more. One hand, then the other, one knee, then the other. When his hand slipped, then his knee, and he began falling, twisting through the air, his biggest surprise was that there was no surprise. Only the cool shock of the barn’s air moving swiftly past his face. He could dimly hear the shouts of his friends. He thought he probably ought to be more frightened. But in an odd way, as he plunged toward the ragged net below the rope, he felt only relief. It was so good to let go.