The moment that he stood before me, hands clenched to fists, breath coming hard as I rose to meet him, contained all those moments gone and all the moments we would never have. I stood there. My hands were open. My book was resting on the table. Isaiah spoke again. “Think you a man now, huh? You better show me.”

But his hands were unclenching, and as I stared into his eyes, I saw, just for the scarcest fraction of a moment, the gentle boy who watched crows in deserted lots and caught june bugs with me on hot Georgia nights. “Isaiah,” I said.

His face crumpled briefly, then he turned and walked quickly from the room, his platform shoes making a ridiculous clatter against the floor. My throat was tight with tears. I stood there for a long time. And I did not cry.

It had been many years since I thought of that moment. School long over for the day, I sat in the chill silence of my living room, remembering. All that I have struggled so hard to put behind me, to eliminate, to leave in order to achieve whatever small status I have gained in this world. Everything I have, I have earned by dint of my own hard work, my careful elimination of anything or anyone that might hold me back. My brother, my mother, my life before here, are nothing compared to what I hold in my hands at Chelsea—a line into the power that great ideas and great traditions hold.

I rose from my living room chair, and as is my habit, made some strong tea to drink as I graded my papers. It was going to be a long night. These exams were a significant part of every boy’s grade for the semester, and I took particular care with them. Jana’s face flashed before me for a moment, but, as I had been doing all day I suppressed the thought quickly. A man must set aside what he cannot have. After that morning’s class and my uncomfortable encounters with both her and with Bryson, the day had passed uneventfully. By the grace of God, I managed to avoid any conversations about the morning’s speech with anyone else, though I gathered from what I overheard in the halls that his stance and his revelation about his brother were the talk of the school. I opted to spend most of the day appearing to be absorbed in work in my office. I am used to being alone. I begged off cross-country practice, claiming a headache.