“You and I can still be together,” she insists and pushes against me. “It was a guy my sister knows from college. I had too much to drink at my birthday party and one thing led to another. It meant nothing. Even if he’s the father, it’s you I want to be with. Minka can be ours regardless.”

Grind my teeth in frustration and ball my hands into fists because I straight up want to strangle this girl with every new detail she offers.

How could I be so stupid? How could she be so conniving? “No. You fucking destroyed whatever love I had for you when you spread your legs for someone else.”

Minka’s mine. She has to be.

She gasps at my harsh words. I regret them immediately, but I don’t apologize. I’ve never slut-shamed anyone in my life, but I’m seeing red and I need to hurt her as much as she hurt me. I can feel my heart harden and I walk away before I say anything else I might regret. If this is love, fuck it. Love is an exchange of power. And the person who loves the most – they trade all their power. And for what?

Never again. I’ll take control of my life over love any day.

Love is bullshit.

36

JOEL

“Moreno, what the hell is going on with you today?”

I shake my head and wipe the sweat from my brow.

Coach’s mouth sets in a firm line and he points to the sideline. “Take a seat. Johnson, you’re up.”

Wes looks like he might speak as I pass him standing at the top of the key with his fucking dry erase clipboard in hand, but I head him off. “Save it.”

I’m angry. No, fuck it, I’m enraged. At myself. At life. At every goddamn thing.

Katrina loves me or is falling in love with me. I’m pretty sure those are synonymous. How did I not see this coming? It’s the exact reason I stopped letting girls in beyond my bed. From the day Polly shattered my belief in love and trust, I’d changed. I made sure my intentions were clear – just sex, just fun, leave your emotions at the door. It had been easier than I thought until I’d walked into that damn café.

I’d been fooling myself into thinking I could dance around the lines with her and Christian, but the second the words left her mouth I didn’t feel happy – I felt fucking panicked. If I gave her my love and she treated it as recklessly as Polly had, it would destroy me. It would change me beyond repair.

Fuck.

Tossing the ball to Johnson, I take another step toward the bench and still. Frozen in place as the weight of the realization hits me.

Polly wasn’t my Vesper. Katrina is. Katrina’s my Vesper.

My chest is already tight at the thought of not seeing her or Christian. That kid has gotten under my skin as much as she has. What if she changed her mind in a month or a year? No, not what – when. Just like before I’d have no control – they’d be gone, and I’d be wrecked. Losing Polly changed me, but if I give my heart to Katrina, it will fucking ruin me when she eventually walks away.