Trying not to over think it, I do the same. Catching me but laughing in surprise as I jump into his arms, Joel lifts me like I weigh nothing. “I could get used to this sort of welcome.”

“I ship us,” I blurt out.

I feel his arms tense as he places me on the ground.

I scramble, trying to put what I feel into the right words. “I just mean that spending time with you, and spending time the three of us – you, me, and Christian – I like it and I want to keep doing it. I’m totally for whatever this is. I admit I was not expecting to feel this way but being with you makes me happy. It makes Christian happy. I know it’s all happened sort of fast and we haven’t talked about, well anything really, but I think I’m falling in lo—”

“Stop.”

I meet his gaze. In my rambling, I’d avoided eye contact in order to get it all out, but now I’m thinking I should have looked up sooner. I see the panic and remorse in those deep brown eyes.

I shake my head, feeling foolish. “I’m sorry. I thought—”

“Mom put your plate next to mine,” Christian yells out from the dining room, interrupting my humiliation.

Joel looks torn between bolting and joining Christian. I turn and move to the kitchen trying to regain some semblance of composure. Placing a hand to my trembling lips, I close my eyes and will the tears not to fall.

I can hear Joel move across the apartment and take a seat next to Christian, but I physically cannot make myself join them. I can’t sit across from him and pretend like he didn’t just crush the heart I offered on a silver platter. Or almost offered. I’m not sure if it’s more or less humiliating that I didn’t actually say the words. What sort of guy stops a girl from telling him that she’s falling in love with him?

I always knew what this was. I knew who he was, but one date turned into another and another, and somewhere along the way my heart stopped getting the memo that this was casual. Being with Joel is easy – too easy. That alone should have had me on guard. My life isn’t easy, and I’ve prided myself on making the most in spite of that.

I stay in the kitchen, cleaning dishes until I can see my reflection, wiping down counters, scrubbing at dirty cabinet doors – basically anything that keeps me busy.

“All done?” I hear Joel ask Christian.

He comes into the kitchen carrying his and Christian’s plates, washes and rinses them, before turning to me. Christian’s already moved on to the next thing, pushing cars around the track set up in the living room.

“I’m sorry,” he says. No attempt to smooth things over. No false promises. Just his apologies for not loving me back.

“No, I’m sorry. I got swept up in everything. You make me happy, my son happy. The way you show up for us, it’s, well, it’s hard not to fall for you.”