On top of the panic over my future, I started feeling guilty that we were having a wedding without Micha’s mom at it. I could picture her getting upset, especially since she was the one who pushed us to get engaged. Micha would end up feeling bad, because that’s what he does when someone feels hurt. Plus, there’s this one other thing… something that I know sounds crazy, but I sort of want my mom nearby but the only way it’s possible is to have the wedding in Star Grove where she’s buried.

My mind was made up by the time Micha came back to the house but seeing him sort of unwound all the confused knots inside me. I’m still trying to sort through my thoughts, but I decide to take it one step at a time. After I get out of my dress and put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I start packing up my stuff to go back home to Star Grove to have our wedding. I put the box with the journal into a large duffel bag to read later when I think I can handle it, along with my mother’s sketchings and the wedding band I bought Micha.

“I think we should get married on Christmas,” Micha announces as he exits the closet with a bag in his hand. He took his tux off and put it in the black bag so we can drop it off at the rental store. He now has on a pair of faded jeans, a black T-shirt, his black leather watch, and boots. As sexy as he looked in the tux, I prefer him this way because he looks like my Micha. “It’s the perfect day,” he adds, setting the black bag down on the bed.

“Yeah, I guess,” I say, pressing the fluffy wedding dress into the bag while trying to zip it up. It’s actually Lila’s dress. She leant it to me after we snuck into her parents’ house and took it out of her closet. I also got to meet her mother during our little trip and the woman seems like a real bitch. I remembered the time Lila showed up at my house crying and it all started to make sense why she showed up that night at my house in Star Grove over a year ago in tears. But it’s been a few days and she’ll barely talk about it and I’m not the kind of person to force people to have heart-to-hearts. “But do we really want to share our anniversary day with another holiday?” I ask