“When you tell me things like you want to have a wedding with our families and are nervous about it, you’re fucking adorable.” I dip my head down and gently kiss her cheek. “I love you and we can get married wherever, however, and whenever you want, just as long as we get married and you never ever stand me up again.”

She pouts out her glossy bottom lip. “I’m sorry about that. I just panicked.”

I nip at her bottom lip because it’s too delicious to resist. “Next time, please just talk to me. Or at least send me a text.” I kiss her again, then put a small amount of space between our bodies so I can look her in the eye. “A simple S.O.S or something.”

“Deal,” she says, but still seems anxious.

I hesitate. “Are you sure that’s all that this is about?”

She swiftly nods. “Of course.”

There’s something in her green eyes I don’t like, a familiar look that used to dwell there when we were growing up. Sadness, combined with fear and worry. I open my mouth to press her about it, but she arches her back and brings her mouth to mine. I distractedly kiss her, slipping my tongue deep into her mouth as all thoughts of abandonment and fear momentarily fade away.

I’m pretty sure it’s the best ending to getting stood up on my wedding day. If only I could convince myself that there will be no more bumps in the road, but I worry about the look in her eyes and going home to get married. I’m worried about Ella. Even though things have been really good between her and her father and brother, sometimes during her phone conversations with them, one of them ends up bringing up the past and I know it upsets her. They’re not trying to be hurtful. In fact, I have to give her father props for how much he’s changed, although it still pisses me off that he ever let things get that bad. Let his daughter feel the blame for her mother’s death to the point where she thought about taking her own life.

But he’s been better about stuff and I remind myself that if Ella can have a nice version of her dad now, then she should have it. And she’s been doing well, too, but she sometimes still struggles with depression and her fear of commitment. And I worry that it’s the fear of commitment that is behind what just happened. That she’s just stalling because she’s not ready to marry me. And that maybe she really doesn’t want to marry me.

Chapter 2

Ella