I gradually inhale and then release, trying to steady my erratic heart. It takes more than a few breaths to get me to where I can even speak again. “I’ll take you home.”

“No, not home,” she utters. “Somewhere else… I hate home…”

I turn forward in my seat and watch the raindrops crash down against the hood and windshield. “Where do you want to go?”

“Somewhere that will make me happy,” she says and flinches when thunder booms.

Placing my hands on top of the steering wheel, I shut my eyes. Some place that will make her happy? I’m not sure a place like that exists at the moment, but I have to try. Opening my eyes back up, I shove the shifter into reverse and back up off the bridge. When I reach the end, I put it into drive and crank the wheel, turning the car around.

The road is flooded with puddles and the windshield wipers are cranked on high as I drive away from the bridge. Every time the thunder and lightning snaps, I jump, but Ella stays still, nearly motionless. When she does move, it’s only to mess around with the iPod. She skims through the song list forever, her fingers fumbling over the buttons. She keeps shivering but when I ask her if she’s cold she shakes her head. Finally she selects a song: “This Place Is a Prison,” by The Postal Service. Then she slouches back in the seat, leans her head back against the headrest, and stares at the ceiling as the song plays through the speakers.

I continue to drive until I reach the side road that weaves out to a secluded area surrounded by trees and nestled near the edge of the lake. The road is a muddy mess and I’m worried that we’re going to get stuck. But somehow I manage to make it to our spot, the one Ella and I always go to be alone—to be with each other. I park the car so it’s facing the dark water and leave the headlights on. The water ripples against the raindrops as the wipers move back and forth across the windshield.

“Tell me what you’re thinking?” I finally say, not staring at the lake.

“I’m thinking I should have jumped,” she says emotionlessly.

Something snaps inside me and I lose it. “No, you fucking don’t!” I ram my fist against the top of the wheel and she jumps, lifting her head up, and stares at me with wide eyes. “You don’t want to be dead, so stop saying it.” My voice softens as I reach over and tuck strands of wet hair behind her ear. “You’re just confused.”