“I didn’t sleep with everyone—not even close,” I point out. “And I was sixteen and horny and everyone I hung around with was having sex.”

“So it was because of peer pressure?” she questions, doubtful. “Because that doesn’t sound like you.”

I open my eyes and sigh, releasing her hand. “It wasn’t really because of anything and that’s kind of the point. I was young and bored and in love with my best friend and if I tried to do anything at all that went past the friend boundary, she’d get upset. I didn’t know what to do with myself half the time, and honestly, Ella, I felt like shit most of the time about the stuff I did, not just with other girls but with you.” I pause, giving her room to say something and when she doesn’t, I continue. “Do you remember that time when I made you go racing with me and when I won I kissed you because I got a little overly excited?”

She hesitantly nods with her hand still positioned over my heart. “I almost punched you in the face, but only because it was a reflex. I wasn’t used to people touching me like that.”

“You were so pissed.”

“Only because I was confused.”

I pause. “About what?”

She hesitates. “About me and you and what I was feeling.”

“And what were you feeling? Because I’m dying to know.” Even though I have her now, I still love hearing about our past and the fact that sometimes I wasn’t the only one suffering in silence.

She turns her face toward me so her breath warms my chest, her lips grazing my skin. “I’m not sure.”

“Did you like what you were feeling?” I touch my lips to her forehead.

She wavers for a moment and then nods. “I did. A lot. And that was the problem.”

I smile as I stare over her head at the window where Christmas lights glow through the darkness outside. There’s a set of silver ones on the tree that leads to Ella’s room, the one I used to climb up all the time just so I could be near her. “Thank you, pretty girl.”

“For what?”

“For telling me that. It’s nice to hear that it wasn’t always me,” I say. “Now will you please tell me about the tattoos?”

She grimaces and then moves her head back to look me in the eyes. “It was my idea to go get them,” she admits.

My jaw nearly drops. “What?”