I’d flipped out and started bawling, scaring the crap out of Micha’s mom, Lila, and Caroline as I jumped out of the chair and raced back into Micha’s room. Lila came to check on me as I was balling on the bed. She tried to talk to me, but I couldn’t stop crying. Then I’d pulled a blanket over my head, ready to shut down, but then I’d remembered all the progress I’d made over the last couple of years and instead I ended up saying something that shocked me.

“Go get Micha, please.” My voice cracks through my sobs.

Lila pauses. “Um, okay.” Seconds later, I’d heard the door shut.

After she leaves, I cry for what seems like hours, ruining my makeup as tears stream down my face. I keep trying to tell myself to get out of the damn bed and go put the dress on because deep down I know I want to and I’m just scared. Finally, the door creaks open and I freeze as I hear the soft sound of footsteps padding over to the bed. The mattress sinks as someone sits down on the edge of the bed, and then a hand touches my shoulder on the outside of the blanket.

“Ella…” Micha’s voice is alarmingly off pitch. “What’s wrong?”

When I don’t respond, he pulls the blanket off my head and the cold air stings my skin. I peer up at him through tear-stained eyes and he sighs, looking like he’s on the brink of crying too. “Are you…” He swallows hard as he touches my cheek with his fingers, and then he shuts his eyes. “Are you getting cold feet again?”

I shake my head and sit up, rubbing the back of my hand across my face, making my makeup worse I’m sure. “No, it’s not that… I’m just…” I search for what I’m really feeling, because I want to tell him the truth. “I’m just scared. I keep thinking about putting the dress on, walking down the aisle, saying my vows… moving forward. I’m overwhelmed and I needed someone here who got me. Who could help me put my dress on and get me through this.” A slow breath eases from my lips as I realize that that’s all I want—Micha by my side because he’ll get me through this. Sure, I know that sometimes I have to do things on my own, but at the same time admitting when I do need someone makes me stronger.

He opens his eyes and blinks back the tears. “Are you sure that’s it?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” I tell him, wholeheartedly. “I just panicked and I’m so sorry. I just need you here with me right now.”