I look at the window to hide my guilty face. With the box arriving on my doorstep yesterday and the panic of actually getting married, I’d completely forgotten about the vows. Micha had thought it’d be a great idea to write our own vows and I’d agreed because it was only going to be him and me, Lila, Ethan, and a minister. I knew there was no way I could write anything as poetic as Micha would. The boy is amazing with lyrics and letters and words in general. Me, not so much, especially when it comes to writing about the heavy stuff like my feelings. I really suck at self-expression, unless it’s through art. I wonder if I could get away with just holding up a few drawings of him?

“You did forget, didn’t you?” Micha starts laughing again, looking so happy it hurts my heart, because I should be that happy. And I am, for the most part, but there’s still stuff bothering me, like the journal, the vows, my future, what the hell I want to become of my life.

I smash my lips together and meet his gaze. “I might have let it slip my mind, but not because I don’t love you.”

“I know that.”

“I know, but still…” I sigh. “I’m such an asshole.”

He laughs even harder, one hand gripping the steering wheel as he merges into the other lane. “You’re not an asshole.” He skims his fingers across the bumps of my knuckles with his thumb. “And we don’t have to write our own vows if you don’t want to. I’m perfectly content with just marrying you.”

“You’re so sappy sometimes,” I tease, and then take a shaky breath. “But I want to do the vows.” It’s such a lie but I want to make him happy—he deserves to be happy. And this is something I can do to give that to him.

He cocks an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

No. “Yeah, I’m absolutely sure.” I sound kind of choked, but I don’t think he notices. I feel bad, but at the same time I can’t help how I feel. I’m never really sure about anything. I get anxious when it comes to huge decisions and that makes me hesitate every single time. If I had my way, it wouldn’t be like that, but sometimes things are out of our control when it comes to who we are.

“Vows it is then.” He smiles and it makes me sad. I want to be as happy as he is. I really do. But sometimes it seems like it’s impossible, no matter how hard I try.

* * *