‘And what do you do, Susan?’ he asked.

‘Does it matter?’

‘Not really, no. I’m just making conversation.’

‘Well, if you must know, since you’re practically grilling me here, like I’m on trial, I’m a professional footballer.’

Nelson laughed.

‘Is that funny in some way?’

‘Wasn’t that a joke?’

‘You think the idea of me being a professional footballer is a joke?’

Nelson shrugged. ‘Well, yes,’ he admitted. ‘I mean, I’m not a big football fan but I’m pretty sure they’re all men. Cristiano Ronaldo, for example. And … who’s that other one? Gary Lineker.’

‘Oh, I love Gary Lineker,’ said Shane enthusiastically. ‘The silver fox.’

‘I like him too,’ said Nelson.

‘Although I preferred him in his playing days. When he wore the outfit.’

Nelson frowned.

‘Obviously I was talking about women’s football,’ said Susan, rolling her eyes.

‘She really is a footballer,’ confirmed Shane.

Nelson looked her up and down, as if he wanted to be certain about something. ‘But you’re a girl,’ he said. ‘Aren’t you? I mean, an actual girl. A real girl. An original girl. As in, born a girl.’

‘Yes, I’m a girl,’ she replied. ‘Why are you rambling?’

‘Am I? Am I rambling? It’s a funny word, rambling, isn’t it? Rambling.’

‘You are, yes. Does it bother you in some way when women engage in historically male activities?’

‘Not at all. In fact, my mother has been a career woman her whole life.’

‘Career woman!’ sneered Susan, shaking her head as the food arrived. ‘Oh, I’ve heard it all now. A career woman. And what are you, a career man?’

‘No, but—’

‘And why did you seem uncertain that I’m female? Don’t I look female?’

‘You do, yes. You’re very girl-like. It’s just, you can never be too certain these days so it’s best to be careful. My father got into a lot of trouble recently on this front, as you may have heard.’

‘Nelson’s father is quite famous,’ said Shane, turning to his sister.

‘Really?’ she asked, intrigued now. ‘Who is he? A politician or something?’

‘No, a television host.’

‘What’s his name?’

‘George Cleverley.’

‘You’re kidding!’

‘No, I’m serious.’

She whipped out her phone and started tapping away on it.

‘But hold on,’ she said. ‘I’m looking at George Cleverley’s Wikipedia page and it says here that he has three children, the oldest of whom, Nelson, is a teacher. It also says that his daughter is an influencer and that his youngest son is an idiot. Why would it say something like that?’

‘Because he is an idiot,’ said Nelson. ‘Although a very nice idiot, to be fair.’

‘No, why would it say that you’re a teacher?’

‘I have no idea,’ said Nelson, laughing a little. ‘You can’t trust Wikipedia. People just go on there and change whatever they want. It could say that I’m a giraffe, but it wouldn’t make it true, would it?’

‘Why would someone want to pretend that you’re a teacher when you’re quite clearly a police officer?’ asked Shane. ‘What’s in it for them?’