‘That’s an odd thing to say,’ said Nelson.

‘Is it? I don’t see why. He’s handsome, funny, he has an amazing body. What more could a woman want?’

‘Someone who doesn’t share her DNA?’

She brushed this away, as if this was scarcely worth considering.

‘Anyway, it’s not all about the uniform,’ said Shane after a moment. ‘It’s what’s underneath that counts.’

‘Oh yes? And does this one’ – she nodded violently in Nelson’s direction – ‘have a lot going on underneath?’

Shane burst out laughing now and Nelson looked from one to the other, wondering what hellish sideshow he’d found himself in.

‘Anyway, we should stop talking about my brother,’ said Susan, laying a peculiar emphasis on the word. ‘I want to know more about you, Nelson. Such a strange name! In Ireland, we blew up Nelson’s Column, you know. Or was it Nelson’s Pillar? I can never remember. How long have you been with the police force?’

‘Three years now,’ he replied, hoping this was the same amount of time that he’d told Shane. ‘I started in the summer of 2018 and I’ve been at it ever since. Policing away. With all my policeman friends.’

‘And do you enjoy it?’

‘The thing about being in law enforcement,’ said Nelson, leaning forward, elbows on the table, growing in confidence now, ‘is that it isn’t so much about enjoying the job as getting a deep sense of fulfilment from it.’

‘Isn’t that basically the same thing?’

‘Not really, no. I don’t enjoy shooting people, for example, but if I were to shoot someone – say, because he was kidnapping a puppy or threatening to set an old woman’s hair on fire – then that would be very fulfilling.’

Susan frowned.

‘But policemen don’t carry guns in the UK, do they?’ she asked. ‘I thought you had to be a specially trained firearms officer for that? That’s how it is on Line of Duty anyway.’

‘You’ve never shot anyone, have you?’ asked Shane, looking at him in alarm.

‘No, I haven’t,’ said Nelson. ‘And you’re quite right, Susan. I can’t actually carry a gun. I was just giving it as a for instance.’

‘It sounded like you were speaking from experience.’

‘No.’

‘So you’re fulfilled but not happy?’

‘Stop interrogating him, Susan,’ said Shane. ‘You do have the right to remain silent, you know.’

They ordered some sandwiches while, beneath the table, Nelson reached out his foot to touch Shane’s leg. For the first time in his life, he felt safe and loved, although he was uncertain whether he could spend a lifetime with this woman as his sister-in-law, and he was starting to regret having shown up to the speed-dating session in uniform. If he’d just arrived in a pair of jeans, a shirt and a sweater, it would have been so much easier. Then there would have been no need for any of this subterfuge. But, he wondered, would Shane have been drawn to him then? It had never occurred to him that they might share a fetish.