‘Four months.’

‘Right, so we’re anticipating a Christmas miracle. That’s another present I’ll have to buy.’ He laughed to himself and looked at his erstwhile lover, hoping that perhaps she would laugh, too, but her face remained rigid.

‘I told you before,’ she said. ‘If you don’t want anything to do with the baby or with me, then you just need to say so. I don’t want to be left in limbo, that’s all.’

‘I believe the last pope got rid of limbo,’ said George. ‘Or cancelled it, as they say. Or maybe it was the present pope. One of them anyway. Was it the one who lives in the bed and breakfast or the one who lives in the garden shed? Honestly, you’d think one of them would just move into the papal suite, wouldn’t you? It’s got to be a lot more comfortable.’

‘Why are you rambling like this?’ asked Angela. ‘Are you just trying to fob me off?’

‘No, I think it’s because I’m about two steps away from having a massive coronary. The truth is, I can’t think straight right now, Angela, I’m sorry. I’m honestly not trying to be a cad. Everything is just up in the air and, until some of those things, you know, fall and land on me, crushing me to death and leaving my body to be scraped off the street, I don’t think I can make any big decisions.’

‘So, in the meantime, I’m left to worry about my future. And Basil’s future.’

‘Who on earth is Basil?’ asked George, frowning.

‘Basil,’ she insisted, pointing at her stomach.

‘Oh, it’s a boy, then?’

‘I think so, yes. I told you before. A mother can tell.’

‘I rather hoped it would be a girl. So I’d have two of each. Like Abba.’

‘Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Should I send it back and we can try again?’

‘Christ, no,’ said George. ‘And what do you mean by Basil? Who calls their child Basil these days? It’s a terrible name.’

‘It was my father’s name.’

‘So what? My father’s name was Adolf, but I didn’t call any of my sons after him.’

‘No it wasn’t,’ said Angela.

‘It was, actually. It’s not something I’ve told very many people, so don’t spread it around. Hang on, maybe that’s why the third group out there think I’m anti-Semitic? Perhaps someone found out and told them? It doesn’t show up on my Wikipedia page. At least, it wasn’t there last time I checked.’

‘George, can we just agree a time and place to—’

‘Anyway, don’t I have a say in the name?’

‘Not if you’re abdicating all responsibility for the child, no.’

‘I’m not abdicating anything. I promise you, Angela, there’s more chance of the Queen abdicating than me. But you can’t call him Basil. The first thing everyone will think of is Fawlty Towers. He’ll be plagued by people shouting, “Don’t mention the war!”’

‘Says the son of Adolf.’