‘If only,’ said Nelson with a sigh.

‘Him down there,’ said Jeremy, nodding in Shane’s direction. ‘You can see all the women want to sit opposite him.’

‘Well, he is gay, as it happens,’ said Nelson.

‘I know, yes. I was talking to him earlier. Nice chap, I thought. Very personable.’

‘Yes, I thought so.’

‘When I was your age, people were very rude about the gays, but no one minds any more, do they? It’s a better world. I met a young lad recently, also gay, I assume. A very unfortunate boy. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but—’

The bell rang before Jeremy could reveal anything more and everyone stood up as Alice took to the stage again, thanking them for coming and asking whether they would mind stacking their seats at the side of the room before leaving. As he took his over, Shane caught up with him.

‘Well, that was a waste of nine pounds,’ he said. ‘And, you know, a shower.’

‘No luck?’

‘None. Still on for that pint? I hope it wasn’t weird of me asking you like that. If you’ve changed your mind—’

‘No, I’d like to,’ said Nelson. ‘Let’s do it. Actually, I know a nice place quite close to here with a beer garden outside. And it’s quite warm out, isn’t it?’

‘Sounds perfect,’ said Shane. ‘It’s good to be able to go to pubs again, isn’t it? Not that I’m an alcoholic or anything but, you know. There’s only so much sitting in your own flat you can do. I’d have become a scientist myself if it would have made the vaccine come along a bit sooner.’

They started to walk down the street together and, as they passed a newsagent’s, Nelson’s eye was caught by a sign outside listing the headline from the Evening Standard.

TELLY FELLA LOSES HIS MIND ON AIR

‘I wonder what that’s all about?’ asked Nelson, pointing towards it.

THE TEETH

‘You’re late.’

Rebecca was seated at a table outside the pub, reading a novel. She put it back in her bag and Achilles looked at her approvingly. It was their second date, if their initial encounter in the coffee shop could be counted as their first.

‘I am,’ he admitted, offering a half-bow. ‘By all of twelve minutes. You have my apologies. But I’m glad to see that you were early.’

‘Actually, I only got here five minutes ago,’ she said. ‘So, in fact, I was seven minutes late. I ordered drinks because I’m the only one of legal age.’

‘Thank you,’ he said, sitting down opposite her and lifting the pint she’d bought him. She’d made an effort, too, and, the weather being good, was wearing a light summer dress. ‘And thank you, too, for the snapchat of your breasts last night. They’re very impressive.’

She stared at him. ‘What are you talking about?’ she asked. ‘I didn’t send you any such thing.’

‘Oh, then that must have been some other girl. Sorry, I’m very popular.’