‘Nice to meet you,’ said the man. ‘My name’s Shane.’

‘Nelson,’ said Nelson. ‘Names are easier than numbers, aren’t they?’

‘I don’t know why they don’t let us use them,’ replied Shane, lowering his voice. He had an Irish accent, which Nelson had always been drawn to. He’d read somewhere that Irishmen made the best lovers. ‘It’s awkward enough without adding to it. How are you getting on so far? I don’t mean to be too personal, but are you interested in men or women? Or both?’

‘Women,’ said Nelson. ‘You?’

‘Men.’

‘Right.’

‘Shame. I had high hopes when I looked down the line.’

Nelson smiled and stared down at the floor, feeling a little embarrassed but also hugely flattered. This was probably the nicest thing that anyone had said to him in years.

‘Thank you,’ he said.

‘No bother.’

‘I liked a girl once, but she got eaten by a lion.’

Shane burst out laughing and Nelson looked at him, appalled. ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ said Shane. ‘I thought that was a joke.’

‘No, it really happened.’

‘Shit. Sorry. My bad.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘I feel like a right twat now.’

‘Don’t. It’s an easy mistake to make.’

‘So how about you? Any luck so far?’

‘Not really. I’ve been sexually assaulted by the cashier, talked to a woman who refused to give me her phone number even though I didn’t ask for it, a football hooligan, a woman who accused me of fetishizing female writers who share a Christian name, and an elderly lady who, now that I think about it, might be into a rather unhygienic sexual practice.’

‘Impressive,’ said Shane. ‘I’ve been asked what my favourite Gilbert O’Sullivan song is, whether I’d be interested in being a sperm donor and, if so, do I know what the motility rate of my sperm is. Also, which Game of Thrones character I most relate to and how often I work out.’

‘I’m surprised you’re here at all,’ said Nelson. ‘You’re … well, if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re very good-looking.’

‘I don’t mind you saying it at all. Say it again if you want.’

‘You’re very good-looking.’

Shane smiled and cocked his head a little to the side, as if he wasn’t sure whether Nelson was messing with him or not.

‘Well, thank you,’ he said. ‘Anyway. Yeah. I don’t seem to have a lot of success in love. Not sure what I’m doing wrong, to be honest. I have a good job. I’m kind, I’m considerate. At least, I try to be. I have a family who loves me.’

‘That’s a nice thing to be able to say,’ said Nelson, feeling an unexpected urge to take Shane’s hands in his own.

‘But, I don’t know, I’m just not great at talking to guys and I don’t feel comfortable in clubs. You’ve probably never been to a gay club, but they’re full of totally ripped guys with perfect skin and hair, and if you don’t impress them instantly, then they’re on to the next one. And my problem is, I get nervous and start saying stupid things.’