‘Dad’s on TV,’ said Elizabeth, and Beverley turned to see her husband staring back at her from the wall-mounted television. ‘Shall I turn it up?’

‘But that’s the Six O’Clock News,’ said Beverley. ‘What’s he doing on there? Yes, let’s hear what he has to say. But rewind it to the start, will you?’

Elizabeth did as instructed, pressing ‘Play’ just as the programme returned to Sophie Raworth sitting behind her desk, explaining to the country how the beloved chat-show host George Cleverley had yesterday found himself in some online trouble regarding a tweet that had been considered transphobic. Happily, she said, George was with her now to discuss this. The camera pulled out to a two-shot and there he was, looking both pissed off and elated simultaneously.

‘Good evening, George,’ said Sophie.

‘And good evening to you, Sophie,’ he replied cheerfully. ‘I’m thrilled to be here.’

‘And we’re glad to have you. It’s been a strange twenty-four hours for you, wouldn’t you agree?’

‘Oh terrible, terrible,’ he agreed, nodding his head. ‘Very upsetting.’

‘Would you like to tell us what happened?’

‘I’d be delighted to. Well, really, it was all a lot of nonsense, but most of it was of my own making. The truth is, I’ve been a very naughty boy!’ And here he slapped one hand with the other, much as he had done on that fateful afternoon at Arlo, Quill, Fitzgerald & Connolly. ‘A naughty, naughty boy, and I need to do my penance or there’ll be no jelly and ice-cream for George after dinner!’

Sophie appeared unimpressed. Five minutes earlier, she’d been interviewing the American Secretary of State live from Baghdad, and now there was this.

‘No, but seriously,’ continued George, adopting a serious tone now. ‘The thing is, I happen to be friendly with a young man, no, I’m sorry, a young woman, who works in my solicitor’s office, and I used the Twitter machine to offer my support on her transition to womanhood, only it seems that I committed the most terrible offence when I referred to her as “he” rather than “she”.’ He turned to the camera now and addressed the audience directly. ‘And let me say from the bottom of my heart how grateful I am that so many of you made me realize what a terrible human being I am. I thank you. I thank you all.’

Sophie paused, looking uncertain about where to take the interview next.

‘You’ve received some online criticism, then?’ she said finally.

‘Indeed I have,’ he continued. ‘And rightly so! When so many deeply caring and compassionate people call one to account for such an appalling moral transgression, it does make one sit up and think, wouldn’t you agree? As hundreds of strangers abused me and expressed their collective desire that I would soon pass from this world to the next, I realized that they alone knew how to live good, decent lives and that I could learn from them. From that moment on, Sophie, I determined to “be better”, as they exhorted me to be, and to let strangers know that I have no business breathing the same air as decent, kind-hearted folk. Only that way will scoundrels like me see the error of our ways!’