“I wanted you to help me, but I thought that I didn’t want to hurt you with the truth. That really wasn’t it. I couldn’t bear having anybody know the truth—even me.”

“What about now?”

“I’m telling you the truth as well as I know it. You can’t help me, Joe. I can only help myself. There’s no reason to lie.”

“Then why tell me at all?”

“You’re really the only one I can talk to. I want to talk. I know it will be good for me.”

“You could have had Palmer,” he said.

“No. I can’t explain why—it has to do with me.”

“Don’t con me, Karen.”

“You’re my husband. You trusted me—you still do, with Steffie. You let me know things about yourself—your fears, what you thought. I didn’t want that from him. I’ve always come back to telling you the truth. I believe that. I’m not trying to con you.”

“Did you ever have trouble with him?”

She knew what he meant. “Yes. And one other time, too. I’m not sure it has very much to do with sex—why I have trouble, or even what I’ve done.”

She became silent. His body felt drained, as if he had endured a bad electric shock. He couldn’t think—he didn’t know what to think about. He was on the edge: he could go to a lawyer and see how he could get Steffie away from her. There wasn’t a mark on Steffie but he was on the edge of closing his eyes to that and doing what he wanted for himself.

“Nobody but me knew about any of this,” she said. “I couldn’t have been trying to hurt you or Steffie or even him. It was all me, for me, directed at me. I still won’t admit that I’ve failed with myself. I came here for one last chance with myself. It almost happened again after I bumped into you with Anne. I was in that mood for weeks—angry, sulking. Only I know how close I came to losing my job. Those men in Port Smith were married. You know what would happen to a teacher caught in a hotel.”

“All right, Karen.”

“You loved her, didn’t you?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Just tell me,” she said.

“I could have made a good thing with her.” He thought of something. “Did you pick married men?”

“Yes. I was afraid of the others. I thought married men would understand, and I was right. I’m sorry. Joe, it’s the truth. They were on the prowl—I don’t mean that as an excuse. They were looking for the same thing. It worked, too, with Jerry Palmer, and with three of the four others.”

He looked at her.