“You’re not willing now to believe that I do understand. But why do you think I’m leaving? There is this job to do. It isn’t finished. I’d love to stay—and stay, and stay. Would you like me to start fooling with you, after what you said on the telephone, before I’ve looked my wife in the eye? We haven’t talked, she and I. Mike is carrying a message. I’m afraid of you, I—”

Her skirt needed adjusting and her slip showed in the area cut out for her stomach. She had the chance to show him how weary she was of this. Instead she ran her hand through her dark hair and smiled. “Go on. You say things and you think you mean them, but if I tried to start something now you would see through it and get angry. You wouldn’t stay. You would want to leave, as you do now. So you’d better do it while we’re still nice.”

He extended his hand to her. He wanted to touch her. “I won’t take that seriously.”

“You want a kiss,” she said, stepping toward him. Her eyes were bright until he closed his own. “Go on,” she said, kissing him again lightly. “Call me.”

Chapter Twenty

CHAPTER TWENTY

There was a level on which he had not lied to Norma. He felt that there were things he could do—before he told her about Rainbow—but they seemed to depend on how well he could organize his mind. There was a direction, a current, just beyond his reach. He was not more tired now than he had been yesterday, but he found himself looking ahead in terms of his strength, as if he could see what he had left, and as if it really could be meted out.

He took a tower suite at the Regent. He telephoned for a light lunch and had the bellboy come up for his laundry.

While he ate he called his mother. It did not please him to hear her ask at once what time he would be leaving Steffie with her. He answered that it would be before dinner; he could not tell her more because he did not have the flight information. He asked if his father was asleep.

“He isn’t here, Joe. He hasn’t come home yet. He called after midnight to say that he had to stay one more night and that he would be here this afternoon, but I’m still waiting for him.”

“He’s getting his rest. I saw him early in the evening.”

“I know, I saw you. On television. You could use some rest yourself. Was Karen able to reach you?”

“Oh, sure. Don’t worry about me getting rest, either.”

“I won’t. You’re a ham, you know.”