“I called him after you left, as you said I would. I told him that you and I had fought since I had last seen him and that your going away was the compromise we had reached. The story was confused and his attitude was about the same as yours is now, except that he went through the motions of believing. He wanted things to work. As soon as I had him I was sorry. I was still filled with the anger that I had tried to take out on you. I didn’t want to make love with him, but I had to, if I wanted him to keep coming around as long as it was convenient to me.”

“Is this the truth?”

“Yes. I swear it is.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I couldn’t. I couldn’t talk to anybody. There was nothing you could have done, anyway. You couldn’t have helped. I was too sick to be helped.”

“Did you know it?”

“I had some idea, but I ignored it. I wanted to. I’m still sick in many, many ways.”

She stopped. He had not been looking at her at that moment, and slowly he raised his eyes. She was wearing dark slacks and a little short-sleeved blouse. Her hands were clasped between her knees, her knuckles white. She was staring at him, just staring. For a moment it was actually insane.

“What is it, Karen?”

She faltered. “I loved you, do you know that?”

“I think so. It was a long time ago.”

“When, do you think?”

“Karen, I don’t want to play a game—”

“It’s no game, Joe. Please. Let me do it this way. It’s hard for me. When did I love you?”

He shook his head. “Before the war. Afterwards, for a while. I can’t be sure of what you felt. I only know what I felt.”

She said, “You stopped loving me the night you saw me on Washington Avenue. That was the start for you. You could have been brought back, if you had been given the right treatment. It would have been difficult, but it could have been done. Not by me, not by the person I was. By the time I got home that night, I didn’t want to. After your mother told me that she was keeping Steffie for the night, I thought you would kill me. I twisted everything you had done in the war and before. I expected you to punch me as soon as you saw me.”

“I wanted to.”