I nod like I know, even though I don’t. Braden is so confusing to me—a moment ago it was just her job and not nice for his housekeeper to set this special table for us. But now he’s saying his nanny was like his second mom. How can someone be so spoiled and so sweet all at once?

I turn to look at the water. We are close enough to hear the waves crashing against the cliff below.

“God, it must have been amazing coming here when you were a kid,” I say, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” he says. “But we only came a few days a year, if that. It’s mostly an investment.”

I study his face while I take another sip of wine and try to imagine the sort of life where you own a house you use only a few days a year.

I shake my head and reach for my water, thinking maybe I should ease off the alcohol for a little bit.

“I love the ocean.” I set down my glass. “I just feel...right, when I’m by it.” I close my eyes for a second, taking it in. “It’s so easy to get caught up in the little stresses of life. But the ocean is so big. You know? It doesn’t know who you are. It doesn’t care about your college apps or what internship you get next summer.”

“It’s pretty great,” he says. “Although I must say, I think I like the Mediterranean Sea better than the Pacific.”

“Really?”

Braden nods.

“I don’t know—I think this is pretty great.” I gaze over the water again. “But I’ve never seen the Mediterranean, so I have no point of comparison.”

“Well, I’ll have to take you sometime,” he says.

I laugh, but uneasily. I’m not quite sure he’s kidding. For the hundredth time tonight, I wonder how the heck this is my life.

Only a few cornflakes float in my milk, now sweet from the sugary cereal.

“So, uh...” I swirl my spoon around my bowl. “Are we going back to campus tonight or...?”

“Oh.” His eyes widen. “We can if you want to. But I, um, was thinking we’d stay here.”

I press my lips together and stare at the water. I was afraid he was assuming that. I look back up at him, my stomach in knots. “I mean, I don’t—I don’t want to create any sort of expectations for—” I struggle to find the words.

Braden’s brow furrows. He seems confused by how upset I’m getting. “Hey,” he says softly, reaching for my hand across the table. “What’s going on?”

“I, um, I’ve never uh, been with a guy, you know, and I don’t want to tonight.”