When he moves his hand to the button of my jeans and I shake my head, he groans, but doesn’t push me further. Instead, we stop and watch Netflix, and I start to get cramps like I’m on my period, even though I’m not. I guess my body is frustrated we had to stop too.

I try not to feel dumb for taking it so slow. True, it’s not like any of this is new to him, but everything is new to me. I mean, he was my first kiss.

And I know, I know, that some people have that in middle school. And that many people do a lot more before they get to college. But I don’t want to rush it. I want to enjoy each small step and new first, even though I’m starting later in the game.

Eventually Colleen’s food arrives, and it turns out that Braden ordered some for us too. We eat takeout and talk about new classes we’re in and how happy we are to be back in the sun after a break in the snow. We watch more Netflix and cuddle, and every once in a while he kisses the top of my head.

Overall, it’s a really nice afternoon.

But I am distracted the whole time. I lie there and run Colleen’s words through my head. Because Braden is right, that guy was an a-hole both online and off. But I can’t stop thinking: Colleen barely talked about the guy.

Mostly, she talked about our app.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Sara

Never before have I been in the curious position where the boy I like, likes me back.

Sure, there were boys who liked me. But they we all either super creepy or okay, but not the guy I would’ve picked if I had my choice. And I spent hours wondering if maybe I should give them a chance.

And then there were the boys I liked. Some—hell, most—never even noticed me, never saw me. And the ones who I thought might, like Chris, were always so close but not quite there. For every sweet moment there were hours of reading through texts, talking with friends and analyzing “how things were going.”

They never told me they liked me back, just sprinkled bread crumbs of affection. Enough to keep me hungry for more, but never enough to fill me up. It kept me from moving on, but also from ever feeling secure.

It was “that dress looks cool on you” instead of “you look beautiful tonight” and “are you going to the bonfire tonight?” instead of “I hope to see you there.”