The fifth is the noiseless stink bomb, the Phuskin. Since it is unspoken it is best-suited to be planted on a neighbour as a secret gift—gupta daan. The donor can assume a ‘not-I’ look on his face or hold his nostrils and turn towards someone else with an accusing look. But he must heed the Japanese saying: ‘He who talks is the one who farted.’ If you have let off a stinking gupta daan, let others guess the identity of the benefactor.

Nations have different attitudes towards farting. The Europeans and Americans are quite shameless about it. It is a part of their Greek inheritance. Niarchos (1st century AD) extolled the virtues of farting any time wind built up in the belly:

If blocked, a fart can kill a man;
If let escape, a fart can sing
Health-giving songs; farts kill and save.
A fart is a powerful king.

Niarchos knew the difference between a noiseless stink bomb and the audible varieties of wind-breaking. To wit:

Does Henry sigh, or does he fart?

His breath is strong from either part.

Exhortations to the fart are also found in contemporary English literature:

Men of letters ‘ere we part
Tell me why you never fart?
Never fart? Dear Miss Bright,
I do not need to fart, I write.

Although white races eat bland rajas food which does not produce much wind, when they have it, they release it in company with total unconcern for propriety. This is particularly revolting in the case of the wine-drinkers making a gupta daan: wind produced by wine is singularly stenchful. The ultimate in white people’s vulgarity was a Frenchman who displayed his fart-power on stage. He had a slit made in the back of his trousers and for a small wager would blow out a candle placed three feet away from his posterior.

If the Whites are disgusting, the Indians are not much better. Indians have a very poor sense of humour and treat farting as a topic of jest. Since they eat highly spiced tamasik foods, they are the world’s champion farters and have much occasion to laugh at each other. Once a Minister of Cabinet recording a talk for the External Services of All India Radio let out a Trumpet. The talk had to be re-recorded. However, when the time came, by mistake the original recording was put on the air. It gave an Indian the unique distinction of having his fart heard around the world. The Guinness Book of Records, please note.