JOCK: (nods) Some of our new Australians could be champions if they’d stop playing soccer and assimilate. Why did Butcher Malone take a swing at you when you hit the deck? Did you give him an elbow in the gut?

GEOFF: No, I blew him a kiss.

JOCK: That’s good. That’s subtle. I was a bit more direct in my day, although I did have a little trick that used to throw ’em out of their stride, come to think of it. You know those times when you’re half a yard behind your man and he’s going for the ball and there doesn’t seem any way you can stop him?

GEOFF nods.

JOCK: Well, the thing in your favour is that everyone, including the umpire, is looking at the ball, right?

GEOFF: Right.

JOCK: Right. Well as soon as your man leaves the ground, get your thumb and ram it up his arse. Works every time.

GEOFF: Sounds effective.

JOCK: It’s a beauty. Wait here while I have a piss.

As JOCK moves to the door he notices that GEOFF has taken out a pouch of tobacco. He stops.

JOCK: Roll your own?

GEOFF: Mmm.

JOCK: I used to roll my own.

GEOFF: Would you like me to roll you one?

JOCK: Yeah. Thanks. I’ll be back in a minute and we’ll have a nice quiet smoke and a little chat.

GEOFF nods his head as JOCK goes out the door. He fishes in his back pocket and takes out a tin. He looks at the door through which JOCK has gone, looks at the tin, nods his head and smiles. Blackout and house lights up.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

JOCK re-enters. A minute or two or stage time has elapsed. GEOFF has rolled two cigarettes. He smokes one and hands the other to JOCK.

JOCK: (coughing) Hope you don’t smoke too many of these?

GEOFF: Eh?

JOCK: Makes you short of breath. How many do you have a day?

GEOFF: Three or four.

JOCK: Ah, that’s no problem. (inhaling) Quite strong. You get a bit used to having it filtered. Laurie’s a bit worried about your form lately. I think you’re playing well but Laurie thinks you could do better. I do too. I don’t think you’re playing as badly as Laurie thinks you are but I think you could do better. What do you think?

GEOFF: I think I could too.

JOCK: Good lad. Puts me in a bit of a spot if you’re down on form because I was the bugger that stuck me neck out and said we had to get you. The first time I saw you play I knew you were a freak. One in a million. I still think I’m right. Nothing’s worrying you is it?

GEOFF: No.

JOCK: No problems with women?

GEOFF: No.