NOELLE McDOWELL’S JOURNAL

December 22

I just got back from church, and it was lovely to attend services with Mom and Dad and Carley. The music was stirring and brought back so many memories of Christmases spent in Rose. I wish I’d paid closer attention to the sermon, but my mind refused to remain focused on the pastor’s message. All I could think about was Thom.

Now that we’ve talked, I think we’ve actually created more problems than we’ve solved. We’re going to get together again later in the day, but that’s not until one. We both realize we can’t leave things as they are, yet neither one of us knows where to go from here.

Still, it’s wonderful to know my faith in him was justified. That makes this decision even harder, though. I’m afraid I’m falling in love with him again—if I ever stopped!—but there are so many complications. In fact, I wonder if our best choice would be simply to call it quits. But I’m not sure we can, because we made a mistake last night. We kissed.

If we hadn’t done that, I might’ve found the courage to shake Thom’s hand, claim there were no hard feelings and walk away. But we did kiss and now…well, now we’re in a quandary. I wish his kisses didn’t affect me, but they do. Big time. Oh boy, nothing’s changed in that department. It’s as if I was sixteen all over again, and frankly, that’s a scary feeling.

I felt Thom’s kisses all the way through me, from head to toe. Thom felt them, too, and I think he’s just as confused as I am. Things got intense very quickly, and we both recognized we had to stop. Now it’s decision time.

Thom withdrew from me, physically and emotionally, and I did from him, too. We both tried to play it cool—as if this was all very nice and it was good to clear the air. He acted as if we should just get on with our lives. I played along and was halfway back to the car when he stopped me. He wanted to know if we could meet at the mall today to talk again.

God help me, I jumped at the invitation. Maybe I should’ve been more nonchalant, but I couldn’t do it. I was just happy for the chance to see him again.

Chapter Five

Shopping was the perfect excuse to get out of the house on Sunday afternoon, and Noelle used it. Her mother was gone, her father was absorbed in some televised football game and Carley was in her room checking “Buffy” Web sites on her computer.

“I’m going out for a while,” Noelle said casually.