Chapters (75)
I twist my head away. ‘What are you doing?’ I yelp, panicking. He hauls me round and throws me back onto the bed, still holding my hands above my head. He moves his knee up between my knees, forcing my legs apart.
‘Don’t give me that,’ he groans, kissing and biting at my neck and nudging both his knees up further now, edging my legs apart as I try in vain to keep them together. ‘You’ve been coming on to me all afternoon.’ He moves himself upwards, thrusts roughly and I cry out as I feel he is inside me. I struggle to lift my arms from where they are still pinned above my head to push him off, but I can’t.
‘Please, Adam, I don’t … I wasn’t,’ I try to shout, but it comes out as a whisper. I’m not sure if he even hears me. ‘I didn’t,’ I force out, but he carries on. His breathing gets faster and more shallow as he grinds into me and he is burrowing his head into my neck. I try to wriggle away but he is too heavy as he thrusts into me, still pinning me down. ‘Please …’ I hear myself beg. I try to move my arms and to twist myself away from him, but it’s useless.
He is thrusting faster and harder; then he groans, shudders, and rolls off me.
I lie there where he leaves me, on my back. I feel tears seeping out of my eyes and rolling down the side of my face. Was I coming on to him? Did I want this? I don’t know any more.
He sits up and glances at me sideways before leaping up and putting his towel back round his waist, just as it was when he came in. I reach for my towel, which is next to me on the bed, and drape it over myself ineffectually. I’ve never felt so naked, so vulnerable.
He’s probably been in the room less than five minutes, and the way he looks now, it’s almost like nothing has happened at all.
‘No need to tell anyone about this, Louisa, is there? No harm done. Anyway, you wanted it as much as I did. And it’s not as if anyone would believe otherwise, is it?’
He snatches up the trunks and opens the door.
‘I’ll see you in the sauna.’
27
December 1998, La Madière, France
Louisa
After Adam leaves the room, I am so stunned I don’t know what to do.
Did that even happen?
Did I lead him on?
Did I want it as much as him, like he said?
I start shivering and realize I’m cold. I haul myself up and get into the shower, turning the tap almost all the way round until the water is as hot as I can bear.